Look What You've Done
by kabashley19
Summary: Caspian's cousin Asha joins the Pevensies right after he is crowned king.
1. Prologue

**AN:** Based on the movie-version of the series. I had posted this story before, but took it down because I wasn't satisfied with it. After much tweaking, I feel like it's finally ready.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **All original Narnian characters belong to their respectful owners. All the rest are mine...all mine (mwah hah hah!)

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><p><em>Prologue<em>

Days of war. All I had been seeing lately is war. I sat at my chamber window as if searching for any sign of peace or an end. Caspian was gone, Father as well. My life was an endless prayer circle for both men who held places in my heart.

Father blamed the Narnians for all of our troubles. Apparently, they had regrouped with four young people they claimed to be their monarchs and Father said that our entire race may be eliminated if they were not stopped. I spoke with Caspian's tutor, Dr Cornelius, to try and understand why the Narnians had waited until now to strike at us. Was it their new leaders that gave them confidence? I thought that the Narnians had been taken care of but it seemed that Father may have overlooked one or two things. Dr Cornelius simply patted my head when I told him my troubles and told me "not to worry" and "everything would eventually right itself over time". This bothered me even further; no one was telling me the situation about my own people and the state we were in and I could do nothing to help if I didn't know anything. The sound of my chamber door opening brought me out of my thoughts. My mother walked in, a purple shawl covering her head. I embraced her and raised my hand to her face. She looked as if she had been faced with death itself. When she spoke, her voice was so soft I had to lean forward to hear her.

"Caspian was here last night."I widened my eyes in shock.

"He was? For how long? Why didn't you wake me so I could see him?" I asked impatiently.

"He has united with the Narnians and he led an attack on the castle. He…he tried to kill Miraz," she said, her hands shaking.

"What?" My cousin never hurt a single creature in his life! He even refused to let the captured mice be given to the cats and insisted on them being freed. "Mother, this is impossible. Maybe you were dreaming." She shook her head violently.

"No! Caspian held a sword to Miraz' neck and demanded to know the truth about…" She hesitated.

"The truth about what?"

"Asha, Miraz killed Caspian's father. He lied to Caspian _and_ me for all these years!" I stood, immobile. Father killed is own brother and now he was trying to take the throne! That's why Caspian left; it all made so much sense now!

"Mother, do you realize what this means? What Father has been doing all this time?"

"I know, my child. I'm just ashamed that it took this long for me to realize it. I just wish there was something I could do to right the wrongs I have done. I know I didn't do anything directly, but just standing by and watching as Miraz became consumed by power was not the right thing to do." She stroked my face as she spoke to me, and her eyes dimmed and her face went into shock. "I shot him."

"Who, Miraz? Good."

"No, Caspian." I looked at her with accusing eyes and my face grew red. I was about to leave when she grabbed my arm with a force that I didn't know she possessed in her small body and she refused to let go until I sat back down. "I accidentally pushed the trigger on the crossbow. There was so much arguing and seeing the other two there made me nervous. A young man and a young woman," she answered my unsaid question. "I don't know anything about them, but they must be Narnians. Asha, it is no longer safe for you here; I want you to escape. Go to the next kingdom until word is sent to you that the war is over. I already made plans for you to stay there, and you will be treated well." She took my hand in hers and pulled me to her. "I have a dreadful feeling that we will never see each other again." My eyes spilled over with tears as I clung to her, refusing to let go. I cried and sobbed that she could not leave me, that I couldn't live if I knew she wasn't here anymore. But I had to be brave; she was doing this for me, and also putting her own life in danger.

"Go, now," she whispered. With one last hug from her, I ran to my room and collected my most valuable things. Then I ran to the stables and saddled any horse I could find and rode like the wind into the foggy, misty day.


	2. Chapter One

****AN: ****Sorry for the looooooong delay. School started and I just got a new puppy (who's taking up most, if not all, of my time). Expect a few chapters to be uploaded this week =)****  
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****Disclaimer: ****All original Narnian characters belong to their respectful owners. All the rest are mine.

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><p><strong><em>One month later. <em>**

The weather was completely different than on the day I left when I arrived into the familiar clearing of trees; bright and sunny. It seemed like years since I'd been back. Just the thought of seeing my family again sent my spirits above the clouds and I broke out into a gallop. Inside my satchel I had the note from Caspian.

"Come home."

My hair was whipping around my head wildly, as my shawl must have come loose. I didn't care. For the first time in 3 months I knew peace. My heart hammered as I finally saw the castle, and a sense of exhilaration pulsed through me. I was home at last!

Closer to the castle walls I noticed a party of people whom I've never seen before; two young men, a young woman and a girl. They all remained still as I came closer and fearing that they could be spies, I refused to acknowledge myself. I straightened my back and held my head up in the air, glaring at them and hoping that they would realize that they were not welcome. I rode past them as quickly as I could, careful not to expose any hints of fear though thoughts of whom they could be filled my mind.

The smell of the familiar Telmarine-grown hay made me forget them and the stable master greeted me as if I never left. As I stepped into the castle, I could have kissed the floor. My knees nearly went weak with relief. A servant led me to the throne room and I threw open the doors when I got there. Caspian stood by the throne, looking out of the window and turned when he heard the thud of the doors. I ran to him as fast as I could and caught him in an enormous hug that showed all the joy I was feeling in seeing him. He nearly cut off my breath with the hug he returned to me and swung me about.

"It's so good to see you, Caspian!"

"Asha! You haven't changed one bit! But I'm afraid things around here have." He gave me a joyful look. "Welcome home, stranger."

"Stranger!" My mind clicked and I was reminded of the strangers I had seen earlier. "Caspian, I don't want to alarm you, but there are four foreigners outside the castle. They could be Narnian spies. You should send someone to investigate."

"Spies? But the war is over." Suddenly, the doors opened again and the same people whom I saw outside were in front of me and people were waiting on them hand and foot!

"Caspian, these are the foreigners! And they're in the castle? What are they doing here? Why aren't they being taken away?" I heard a snicker from the young girl and I glared at her. She had no right to laugh at me!

"Asha, calm down. They are Narnians."

"Narnians? In Telmar? You must be out of your mind Caspian, inviting those who threatened our people into our home!"

"They are not against _us_, they were against Miraz. And I see you haven't learned to hold your tongue when you speak in the presence of visitors." He drew his arm out towards the four people in front of us. "May I introduce High King Peter, King Edmund, High Queen Susan and Queen Lucy."

"The ancient Kings and Queens of Narnia!" I whispered in awe. I stepped down from the dais and swept into a deep curtsey, given only to the highest ranking in royalty. "I humbly ask for your forgiveness, your highnesses. I had no idea-If I _had_ known I would have never said what I did." Queen Lucy took my hand and gently lifted me up to my full height. "This is impossible," I whispered. "I thought you were just a myth!" I looked at Caspian and he nodded as if he understood my shock. "It is an honour to meet you all."

"_We_ are honoured to finally meet His Majesty's famous cousin," King Peter said, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement. "He often spoke of you."

"Thank y-. Caspian, why did he just call you 'majesty'? You're only a prince."

"Asha, come with me. I have a lot to explain to you." He placed his arm around my shoulders and led the way to the sitting room. He and the Pevensies explained all that had happened, and how my mother went willingly to another world with my brother. There were some tears, but I had accepted long ago that I wouldn't see my mother again after she told me so. I learned Miraz was dead, and General Glozelle left with my mother and Caspian had seen Aslan. I refused to believe it. Meeting the Kings and Queens of old was one thing, but telling me that he had seen the Great Lion was more than ridiculous. No one in Telmar even dared to speak his name. Not wanting to argue with him, I steered the conversation to whether or not the council was urging him to find a wife. A newly-crowned king was an excellent catch for any woman lucky enough to get him.

"Not yet," he said with, I noticed, a quick sideways glance to Queen Susan. I smiled to myself as his cheeks turned red for a moment and then he acted as if nothing had happened. He changed the subject to how I spent my time while I was away.

"There's not much to tell," I said. "I did what I usually do here. That kingdom was so much like Telmar, I honestly forgot that I wasn't home."

"What is it that you usually do here?" Peter asked with interest.

"Write, sing, read…I read quite a bit."

"Asha, you have read nearly every book in my library. If you are ever looking for my cousin, you shall find her there or in the stables." Caspian explained.

"You enjoy horses?" King Edmund asked.

"I love to ride, and I have a particular interest in horses. I personally see to my own mount and I've even helped breed some of the ones used by the generals." I said with a hint of pride in my voice. Being surrounded by men all my life, I grew up as a tomboy so I learned many of the same things Caspian had learned.

"I never pictured it. After seeing you for the first time I sized you up to be a girl who only cared about dresses and dancing and things like that," Edmund said.

"I do enjoy those things, but my life is not centered on them." My cheeks felt heated; I was slightly offended by his insinuation.

"Don't let her looks fool you," Caspian teased. "Underneath that lovely face is someone who has bested me in many things, and I am not ashamed to say it. She does tend to scare off her suitors though." I poked Caspian playfully in the ribs and told him to be quiet. "What?" he said, laughing. "It's true! Remember when my father invited a young Lord from another kingdom to stay with us for a week? He challenged you to a horse-race but after you won, I overheard him telling my father that he could never marry a woman who could best him in men's skills." He turned to the Pevensies. "It wasn't really fair…the race, I mean. She was already at the finish line before he reached the halfway point. I suppose that answers your questions on why she wasn't married yet." _That_, I thought, _and another reason_. I knew Caspian was thinking the same thing as I was and we exchanged secret looks.

"Well, it sounds like we have a lot to discover about each other," Peter said. "I would be honoured to escort you to dinner tonight, Princess Asha." I was taken aback for a moment by his forwardness, but I smiled sweetly and accepted. I left them with a small curtsey and set out to find my old room. Everything was exactly the same as I had left it. I took a long luxurious bath and donned my warmest robe, a deep purple colour with a faint blue embroidered pattern of roses. I moved to my closet and smelled the fresh fragrant scent of roses that my mother always insisted my clothes be washed in. As I stood deciding which of my lovely clothes to wear, I heard a small voice.

"The green one is lovely!" I turned to find Queen Lucy standing by the door. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude."

"No, no. It's all right." I took the green gown from the closet and examined it. It had a satin, silver-coloured under-tunic and the gown itself was made of deep, forest-green velvet. It was slashed at the sleeves to show the silver underneath and the cuffs and the hem of the dress had silver beaded edging. I ran my hand over the smooth material. "You have really good taste, your highness." I smiled to myself as Lucy insisted that I call her by her name and drop the formalities and jumped up on the bed as I left to change. But just as soon as Lucy jumped on, she leapt off again and ran to my dresser where her eyes caught sight of a gold-plated jewellery box. She opened it and lifted a silver necklace with a large diamond pendant and matching diamond earrings. As I emerged from the dressing room, Lucy squealed with glee.

"Oh, you must wear these! You would look beautiful!"

"Don't you think I would be too overdressed for dinner?" I said, laughing. "I'm saving them for something a little more formal. But, if you like, you can pick something out of the box wear it tonight." Lucy's eyes sparkled with delight as she chose a necklace similar to the diamond one but it was made of gold instead and had a much smaller pendant that matched the deep pink of her gown. I settled for small silver earrings and we waited for Peter to some and fetch us. I enjoyed Lucy's company very much. I realized we had quite a bit in common and I felt closer to her than I ever thought I could. She told me so as well, saying that even though we only knew each other for a few hours she could tell we would become very good friends. I remembered Susan and how she had treated me with a hint of coolness. She didn't say much to me earlier, and I wondered if I had done something to offend her. I confided to Lucy about my concern. Her brow creased as I could tell she was wondering how to word what she was going to say.

"Susan is very...how should I put this? She gets very jealous." I looked at her, confused.

"What does she have to be jealous about? I've never said more than two words to her."

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed but she cares deeply for your cousin."

"Yes, I can see that." I smiled to myself as I remembered the blushes that crossed both Caspian's and Susan's cheek when I asked him about marriage. "I still don't understand what that has to do with me."

"Susan was the only woman in Caspian's life since this all started. She received his undivided attention and he hardly ever left her side. Now that you've shown up, she's jealous because he has barely any time for her now."

"Oh, I see."

"I've told her that you've only just returned to your home. It's ridiculous that she should feel envious over the fact that he wants to spend time with his cousin whom he hasn't seen in who knows how long. His priorities now are making you feel at home again and getting you adjusted to your life here. Her vanity should not get in the way." I admired her speech. All of my doubts about whether this little girl could have been queen were crushed. She spoke with wisdom beyond her years.

"I hope I don't cause a problem between the two of us. I would like to become better acquainted with her."

"I hope so too. I can't understand why else she wouldn't like you. I think you're wonderful!"

"And I think you are as well, Lucy." As I gave her a warm smile, we heard Peter's light knock.


	3. Chapter Two

Dinner was wonderful. I never truly appreciated the unique food we had in Telmar and I was ecstatic that Caspian ordered to have my favourite dishes prepared. The chef truly outdid himself with dessert. It was a large bouquet of roses made entirely out of sugar and it sat on top of a large cake made with a medley of freshly picked berries that the cooks grow out in the palace's private garden. I shared a memory with Caspian, about how we used to sneak into the garden and see how many berries we could fit into our mouths before we got caught. He laughed, and popped a red one in his mouth.

"You used to get me into a lot of trouble," He said, wiping his hands.

"I was curious and adventurous; much more than you were," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"You _should_ have been born a boy." Everyone in the room paused and looked at us after Caspian's remark. I gazed at each of their faces and puzzled at their sudden silence.

"Why has everyone suddenly gone quiet?" I asked. I realized that the jokes Caspian and I share may only be funny to us, and some others may view them as offensive.

"Caspian! How can you say such things?" Susan scolded him.

"It's actually true," I told her. "I'm not really ashamed of it. When my mother carried me, everyone thought I was going to be a boy but to everyone's slight disappointment, I emerged. Thankfully, I was loved regardless, unlike some families who resent their daughters and value their sons. I grew up in a man's world so I picked up on a lot of what Caspian was learning. My mother tried constantly to get me to sit and do ladylike activities but I had the drive for more challenging things. But I can act quite like the highborn lady when I need to."

"What else, other than raise horses, can you do?" Edmund asked with interest.

"I can fight; I can shoot...not as well as Queen Susan, though. I can hunt as well. All Telmarine women are raised to be as tough as the men and I am glad for it. There is no reason why I, like many other girls, should be able to defend myself, especially in the unlikely case that we have no men to protect us. We are not as fragile or delicate as we seem. But eventually, there are the proper ladylike things we must learn such as dancing, embroidery and singing."

"Deceitful creatures," Caspian said with mockingly and everyone laughed except for Edmund. He sat in his chair watching me, as if studying my face. I fidgeted in my chair slightly as I grew uncomfortable beneath his gaze.

"Asha, would you like to walk with me as I stretch my legs?" Peter suddenly said. "You can give me a proper tour of this castle. Caspian's been too busy to do it." I smiled as I walked with him and we left the others, thankful to get away from Edmunds scrutinizing eye.

"Dinner was outstanding. I've never eaten anything like that before," Peter said, lightly patting his stomach.

"The food is very particular to Telmar. I used to eat it all the time." I walked beside his tall figure; his face was turned away from mine as he examined the tapestries on the walls. "I suppose you've noticed that Susan hasn't taken a liking to you."

"I've spoken to Lucy about that. I hope she realizes that I have every intention of doing whatever I can to be friends."

"Until Susan learns to grow up and act her age, you can never be friends with her."

"Why not?"

"Susan was always known as the beauty of Narnia, the fair and lovely Queen. But now you've shown up and taken it away from her. She can be quite vain, though she tries very hard to seem modest."

"I can't be compared to Susan! She is the Rose of Narnia."

"Asha, after seeing you, Susan pales in comparison." I didn't realize that we stopped and he was staring down at me with his large blue eyes. Now _he_ was making me uncomfortable. "_You_ are the Rose of Narnia."

"Peter, I don't want to be the 'Rose of Narnia' I don't want to be anything except for who I am."

"You can't," came a voice from behind us, "because you are what you are." We turned to see Susan staring at us. She gave Peter a look and he walked away and disappeared down the corridor. "Asha, Lucy told me that you wish to become closer to me, and I wish the same with you. I was very jealous of you because you are lovelier than I ever will be." I opened my mouth to protest but she raised her hand to stop me. "I was just too blinded by envy to realize that you were not doing anything to spite me. I wish to be friends, if you can forgive me for not giving you a fair chance."

"There is nothing to forgive, Queen Susan."

"It's just plain Susan. Now, do you think you can show me where Caspian's _great_ library is? I want to see if he has as many books as he said he did."

"Of course, _Susan_." I breathed a mental sigh of relief as Susan linked her arm through mine and we walked together in our newfound friendship.

As Susan and I grew closer, I got used to my place as princess again. In the other kingdom, I was free to come and go as I pleased, living independently as I always wished I could. Here, I was waited on hand and foot and no one understood that I could actually do some things myself. I decided to 'lay down the law' (a new phrase Susan taught me) and tell them what I wish to do on my own. I was in the stables one morning explaining myself.

"...and furthermore," I said to the stable master, Old Gringos, and the grooms, "as I always did before I left, I wish to attend to my own horses and I will require no groom to accompany me when I go riding or hunting."

"Yes, your Highness," they all said and bowed in unison. I saw the groomsmen grin to themselves as Gringos stood as tall as he could for his short height and looked me straight in the eye. I looked back down at him, holding my head high regally and secretly wondering what he was going to say to me.

"Glad to have you back, Princess," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "It's nice to see you haven't changed a bit."

"No?"

"No, Highness. You are just as stubborn as you were when you left." I scoffed and tossed my head.

"I should hope so. If I wasn't I would be as spineless as Caspian!" I said jokingly. The men doubled over with laughter.

"Thank the gods that you are as you are, or our lives here would be dull," Gringos said. I put my hand lovingly on his shoulder and he called for my horse. "Bring Jaya for the princess!" Immediately the grooms scattered and brought her out, my beautiful, pure black mare with grey streaks in her mane. She was still young, and I remember birthing her when I was only ten years-old. I ran may hand over her nose and she nuzzled me. Then, after she recognized who I was, began getting restless and the groomsmen could barely control her. I searched in my pockets for a treat and gave her a piece of an apple that I had taken from the breakfast table this morning. She remained calm as I placed the saddle on her and positioned her reins properly.

"Oh, my beauty." I patted her large neck and Old Gringos came forward.

"Must you insist on riding that beast?" I gave him a look that dared him not to question me any further. "My apologies. I forgot that you were a glutton for punishment. But she is a wild thing. Maybe you would prefer to take a gelding for now?"

"Nonsense. From the looks of her, she has energy to burn."

"She missed you, your highness. We had to place her in the largest stall so she could at least get some exercise."

"Was she fed properly?"

"Only the best...though she would hardly stay still. She has a strong will," he paused and looked up at me with only a brief hint of what looked like admiration in his eyes. "Just like her master."

"A strong will shows character; you know that as well as I do."

"Yes, your highness." He began to walk away. "It's strange though; the only person she would even let come into her stall and give her a good brushing was King Edmund. If it was anyone else, she'd nearly trample them to death." He disappeared around the corner and left me bewildered.

I stroked her hide slowly as I puzzled over what Gringos told me. Edmund? It was known to everyone how animals have another sense when it comes to people. What could she see in him? I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't hear someone coming from behind me.

"So, this beautiful animal belongs to you?" I swung around and saw Edmund behind me.

"Edmund! I was just thinking of you!" He stood wide-eyed for a moment, frozen in his steps.

"You were?" he said, quietly.

"Yes. Gringos told me that you were the only one Jaya would allow to even come near her. She must sense something particularly special in you." He let out a sigh and came towards the horse and began to stroke her mane.

"She's a beautiful animal. When they told me she was your horse I didn't believe it. She seems so strong willed and reckless," he shot a sideways glance to me. "After the stories I heard about you, you two seem well-matched." I laughed and pulled on my riding gloves.

"I am taking Jaya for a ride to burn off some energy. Care to join me?"

"That's actually what I came in here to do. Would you mind showing me some of the land here?"

"Not at all!" I smiled at him and began to feel at ease with this young king. He mounted his horse just as fast as I could and he followed me out into the many valleys and meadows surrounding our castle. When I led him along the beach, Jaya began to slow down and I mistook the action for just being tired. But when she stopped and waited for Edmund to catch up to us, I wondered what had come over my wild beast.

Edmund stopped beside us and looked at me. There was something in his eyes that pulled me towards him, like a magnet; a gentleness that I hadn't noticed before. I was just about to force myself to look away when Jaya reared back and I fell backwards onto the sand. I didn't hit my head, but I had heard my back crack and I had trouble sitting up.

"Are you alright?" Edmund rushed towards me and carefully placed his hand at the small of my back to help me sit up. I flinched.

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you, Asha?" I shook my head slowly to him. I didn't flinch because he had hurt me; it was because it felt as if my blood set fire when he touched me. I lowered my eyelids and peered at Jaya. I could have sworn she planned the entire thing; she flung me back on purpose.

"That animal's dangerous. You could've been killed!"

"Jaya was probably just spooked by something." As he helped me to my feet, I looked down at the ground.

"Thank you, Edmund." When I finally looked up at him, I found myself staring into his eyes again. They were a deep rich brown…a beautiful colour. I think I sensed what Jaya found special about him. I couldn't say it, but it was there. My breath was coming fast and my lips began trembling.

"We'd better be getting back," his voice was thick. He cleared his throat and turned from me. "You should probably be resting after that fall." I gave him a small smile and he helped me onto my horse.

As I let him lead the way back to the castle, I studied the king. Even from behind him I could see the broad width of his shoulders, his head topped with hair so dark, it nearly matched the colour of Jaya's hide. I smiled to myself as I remembered the warmth that came from his eyes as they bore into mine. My heart thumped within my chest.

What was happening to me?


	4. Chapter Three

Everywhere I went I hoped I would see Edmund. If I did, I became very shy and nervous around him. Caspian noticed the change in me and teased that I was getting 'soft'. Even Susan noticed a change in me, saying I was happier and seemed to be daydreaming more than usual. I told them both that it was nothing. I tried telling myself the same thing.

One night after dinner, I went for a walk on the castle grounds. I didn't really know where I was going; I just followed my feet. They eventually took me to a large tree where I used to read and spend most of my time. Hanging from one branch was a wooden swing that mother ordered to be put up when I was young. It was one of my favourite spots on our grounds. I ran my hand over the wood and tugged on the rope to see if it was still strong. When I was sure enough, I sat down on it and began to swing slowly. I closed my eyes and began humming an old Telmarine folk song, one of many that I grew up with. As I sang, my thoughts once again turned to Edmund. I pictured his hands as he pet Jaya, and I remembered his strength when he helped me to stand up and get back on my horse after I fell. Then I imagined his face before mine, his young face that would soon grow into a man's face, with the hardness of all the struggles that he had seen as a king of Narnia. Even through all that he had seen, his eyes still held a tenderness and depth that one could take years to uncover. His face was surrounded by freckles that gave him such a youthful look. I smiled as I remembered the warmth I felt when I looked at him.

"Asha?"

"Yes?" I breathed. He's calling me. I want him to hold me in his arms so I can feel his heart next to mine. I open my eyes, and there he is standing in front of me. I thought I was dreaming. I must be dreaming, I thought, this can't be real...

"Are...are you alright?" he looked concerned.

"No...I'm not." I said slowly. My head was spinning and I tried to get off the swing, but stumbled and fell into Edmund's ready arms. My cheek rested on his chest and I could hear his heart beating wildly.

"Let's get you inside. You haven't fully recovered from that fall you had a few days ago." He stood me up to my full height. I didn't want to let go of him. He cleared his throat and looked at the ground.

"I'll help you." He gently placed his arm around my waist as if I would break and held my hand in his as we walked back to the castle. We walked through the main doors and when Peter saw the state I was in, he rushed to my side, calling for help and water and a pillow for my head. I turned and saw Edmund backing away from all the commotion. As I watched him walk away, I felt my stomach turn and my heart felt like it flipped over as a wave of recognition washed over me.

I was falling in love.

During the rest of the week I walked down the halls as if I was 'dancing on a cloud' (another one of Susan's sayings). I was happier than I had ever been in my life. Caspian remarked that I looked like a lovesick puppy. Peter noticed as well, and he began paying special attention to me. He accompanied me when I went riding or hunting and even brought me gifts. One day, he surprised me with a bouquet of fresh roses from the garden. A few days before that, he brought me new leather riding gloves. I didn't understand why he was giving me these things, but I did enjoy the attention, I must admit. I didn't think anything of it. This continued on for a while until one day, I realized what was going on.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Oh, Peter. Another one? I have no more room to put these things!" I said jokingly.

"Here." He handed me a black velvet box with a silver latch. I opened it to find the most exquisite necklace I had ever seen with a matching bracelet. Completely made of diamonds, it outshone any other piece of jewellery I owned. They were cut flawlessly and in the center of the necklace there was a tear-drop sapphire.

"Gods in heaven," I whispered.

"Do you like it? It's made especially for you. I chose the sapphire myself," he beamed. I was speechless. I felt the necklace carefully; it looked as if it was made of ice and it might melt if I touched it. I looked at Peter, still shocked.

"Peter, I can't accept this."

"Why not?" he said, his face confused. "You accepted the other gifts."

"Peter, those were different. This...this is too much!"

"You deserve it, trust me." He took my hand in his and stroked it. I looked at our hands, linked together. I had an overwhelming feeling that this was in my future. In the back of my mind, I envisioned Caspian placing my hand in Peter's, almost symbolically.

"Peter..." Suddenly, we were interrupted by Lucy who bounded into the room and jumped on the couch beside Peter. She began talking incessantly about this and that, and the rest of her family joined us, including Caspian. Lucy saw the box in my hand and asked if she could see it. She and Susan squealed with delight at the sight of the diamonds and asked me where I got them.

"They're a gift...for Asha." He looked at me and dared me with his eyes not to protest. I smiled a sweet smile and thanked him. I glanced at Edmund quickly, and saw his face had turned spine-chillingly dark.

"Well, Asha. Now all you need is a matching dress." Caspian said.

"No, Caspian. I have enough dresses."

"It's for the ball!" Lucy piped up. I looked at Caspian questioningly and he nodded.

"We are having a feast, mainly for your safe return to Telmar. And it will be my first as a king!" He sounded excited. This was the Caspian I remember. I smiled as Susan began describing how the girl's outfits should match each other somehow and they determined that Caspian would escort me to the ball and the Pevensie men would take their sisters. It was to be a happy and festive occasion.

Susan (who I learned was a very good artist) designed our gowns for us. She sat for hours one day designing mine.

"You're going to look exquisite!" she exclaimed.

"Susan, it's not right. As a queen, you should be dressed far more lavish than I." I watched her scribble into the large book she held in her lap.

"Nonsense! This whole banquet is for you. And besides…you never know what could happen." She smiled to herself as if she knew something that I didn't. I decided against my instinct to ask her what was going on, and turned back to my reading.

"Look at this mess. Susan, there's paper everywhere!" I recognized Edmund's voice immediately and my head shot up. He was laughing at his sister's attempts to ignore him and walked over to me. My throat tightened and my breathing became faster.

"Good day, Edmund."

"Hello, Asha." I noticed he had a parcel in his hand. He caught me looking at it and handed it to me, shyly. "It's not diamonds, but it's something I hope you can actually use." I smiled at him as I unwrapped the gift and I gasped in surprise. It was a purple, leather-bound journal with the letter 'A' engraved in gold on the front.

"I know it isn't much, but…"

"Edmund, it's wonderful! I love it! Why did you get this for me?"

"I…I thought that you could get some use out of it; I remember you saying that you love to write. Well, this is to write down your private thoughts and dreams…" he looked at the book and added very quietly, so only I could hear, "I hope you will keep this close to your heart."

I could have cried at the compassion in his words. I had to fight the urge to thank him with a kiss; something I wanted to do more than anything. Instead, I moved closer to him and whispered,

"This is better than any diamonds. I will treasure it for the rest of my life." The look of joy on his face was enough to set my heart racing.

"Would you like a pen?" I jumped up at his words and ran to the desk and grabbed one of Caspian's many pens. I opened the book and flipped through the blank, white pages. I began writing furiously; about the day I came home and met the Pevensies. The day I met Edmund.

I was just in the middle of a thought when Peter came bounding into the room.

"Asha! There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you!" he completely ignored Edmund and knelt in front of me. "I just spoke with Caspian and we have come to an agreement." He stood up and bowed to me. "It would be an honour if you would let me escort you to the banquet." I stared at him, confused for a moment.

"But, what about Susan?"

"Caspian will take Susan." We heard a clatter from behind us and found Susan clamouring to gather her pens and papers that she had just dropped on the floor. I looked back at Peter.

"Nothing would give me greater pleasure, my King." When I finished my sentence, I heard the door to the study slam shut... and Edmund had disappeared.


	5. Chapter Four

"Asha? Are you in here?" I heard Susan as she entered my chambers.

"I'm in the bath. I will be out in a moment." I called for my maid to hand me a towel and I quickly dried off and put on my warm emerald robe. My dark hair was dripping wet, so when I walked out of the room I invited Susan to sit by the fire with me so my hair could dry faster.

"Is everything all right?" I asked once we had seated.

"Asha, I have a confession to make. It's about Caspian…"

"You are in love with him." I stated simply. I knew from the first moment I saw them together that there was an obvious attraction. Her face was covered by a deep blush. Everyone knew about their feelings for each other, so there was no point in keeping it a secret any longer but she hesitated before she answered me.

"Yes. I overheard someone say that Caspian is to be married soon," her eyes shone with hope and I turned to the fireplace so she couldn't see my face and the pain that was there. "Is it true?" How could I tell her the truth? It would only hurt her and our relationship; we had gotten so close since my return. I summoned all the courage I had and decided that it would be better for her to hear this from me than from gossip.

"Yes, Caspian is getting married…to me." I said finally. I couldn't believe how quickly her face changed. In one moment, it was as if all of her dreams came shattering down around her.

"But he's your cousin!" she shouted. I tried to explain myself to her.

"Susan, it's not what you think!" She gave me a look that silenced me and stood up. It was as if she could no longer stand being in the same room as me.

"Please forgive me for bothering you. I wish both you and Caspian the best."

"Susan!" She ran out and her name echoed in my room as she slammed the door. I needed to explain myself, to explain the situation. I dressed and made my way to the main hall hoping to find her there, but Peter found me instead. I was hurrying down the steps when he stopped me.

"Hello! Where have you been this fine morning?"

"Good morning, your highness." I said as I swept into a quick curtsy.

"No formalities, remember? It's Peter." He smiled a charming smile. "I'm going out for a ride. Would you like to join me?"

"I'm sorry Peter, but I can't. Do you know where Susan is? I need to speak with her."

"I saw her go to her room. Is there something wrong?" His deep blue eyes were filled with concern, but I decided against confiding in him. Susan was my main focus at this moment. I dismissed his worry with a light voice.

"Everything is fine, Peter. It's just women-talk. Good day."

I rushed past him to Susan's room where she was sitting in Lucy's arms, crying. Lucy turned to me as soon as I stepped through the doors.

"What happened?" she asked, in her soft angelic voice.

I told her how Susan came to me earlier and that Caspian and I were to be married. Lucy looked back at me with wide eyes, clearly about to defend her sister.

"No! You don't understand!" I explained before she could speak. "He is my cousin, but not by blood. My mother was married to the man who was my father, but he died when I was five years old. She married Miraz a year later." I looked away from them and gazed out the window. It was difficult for me to speak of this to them. I loved my mother with all my heart, but I could never forgive her for forgetting my father so soon after his death. Collecting myself, I looked back at them and continued my story. "Miraz had no children of his own with his previous wife, so he and Caspian's father came to the agreement to have me marry Caspian when I turn eighteen."

"When are you turning eighteen?"

"In 3 months. The ceremony will take place a week later, as is tradition." Susan looked up now, and stared at me. I was not finished, so I continued. "How can I marry someone who I see as my brother?"

"You don't want to marry him?" Susan asked.

"No."

"You don't love him?"

"Not the way I could love a husband. But if I don't follow the orders of Caspian's father, I could risk being banished. What would I do then?" Lucy nodded in understanding and looked up at her older sister. I held my breath, waiting for her to do something, anything. She stood up, towering over me as I sat and held out her arms. We embraced with tears in our eyes as Lucy joined us, our friendship once again intact.

We were interrupted by a knock at the door. A page came in and announced that the feast (which we were preparing for all week) was to begin soon and Caspian asked if we could be ready as soon as possible. I thanked the page and sent him out of the room and was about to leave myself when Susan suggested that we prepare for the feast together.

"Sounds marvelous. But first, I have something I must do."

The feast that night in the grand hall was wonderful. Everything was perfect. Susan and Caspian hadn't left each others' side all evening and I beamed when I caught them gazing into each others eyes. Peter was my escort for the night and he was his usual attentive self, and Lucy had gone to bed early for she was extremely tired. Edmund sat in his chair, sulking for most of the night, but I could feel his eyes on me wherever I went. He looked angry. I learned through his brother and sisters that Edmund had his 'dark days', as they put it, where he was grouchy and ill-tempered for no apparent reason. _Must be one of those days_, I thought.

When Peter took up a conversation with some noblemen, I went over to Edmund to try and cheer him up by talking to him and keeping him company. I prattled on about how the weather was lovely tonight, but terrible earlier today and how I couldn't go riding because of all the preparations. He would grin once in a while but other than that, nothing.

I realized I was getting nowhere with him so I got up to join Peter, but Edmund took my hand and asked me (more like demanded) to dance. I followed him as he led me to the floor in the midst of all the dancing couples and he closed his arms around me, like a trap. His hand traced my spine and ended at the small of my back, giving me the shivers and he began leading me in a waltz. I felt light as a feather, completely weak as everything seemed to disappear except for the feeling of being in his arms. I subconsciously laid my head against his chest and I felt him graze his chin against my temple. As we moved, I wondered what people would think; what Caspian would think if he saw us. I didn't care. I felt safe, at peace. A little voice that I tried to ignore whispered in my mind: _this is where you belong_.

We somehow ended up outside in a secluded part of the terrace, completely alone. I realized we stopped moving and I felt a whisk of the chilly night air that seemed to put me out of my trance. I could hardly see his face because it was so dark, but I could feel his eyes on me. After a moment he stepped away and stood in the shadows on the other side of the balcony. I stared after him, and then looked at the moon.

"What are you staring at?" I heard Edmund ask, after what seemed like ages of silence.

"The moon; it's lovely tonight. It reminds me of a legend that is a favourite among my people."

"Tell me." He was still in the shadows but I could tell that he was listening to me, intrigued. I kept staring into the sky.

"The Moon God was in love with the Goddess of the Stars, and she him. But his brother, the Sun God, loved her too. The goddess didn't know that the Moon God loved her, so she promised herself to the Sun God even though she didn't love him. When she found out that the Moon God loved her she began to cry, and she cried so much that she disappeared with each tear and each tear became a different star in the sky and she could finally be with the Moon God forever." I had a brief flashback to when mother braided my hair as we sat outside looking at the stars together, back when my life wasn't as complicated as it was today...when this legend was just a story, and nothing to do with my life whatsoever. "Oh, you poor goddess!" I whispered as tears lightly rolled down my face. I felt strong arms around me as Edmund pressed me into his shoulder and stroked my hair. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him.

"You must think I'm such a fool."

"Not you. Never." He looked at me in a way that made me blush and I thanked the Gods for the darkness. He moved away from me angrily and said nothing for a long time. Finally, his voice rose above the silence.

"I've been fighting with myself for a long time. I'm not sure what's come over me, but every time I see you it's like something inside of me sets fire. I close my eyes and your face is always there; your captivating brown eyes haunt me in my sleep." He seemed to struggle with his next words, as if he didn't know what to say.

"I-I love you. It's true. I love everything about you. The way you look when you come in from the outside, especially on a windy day and your hair is wildly messy. The way you speak with such passion when you're angry, or the look in your eyes when you get lost in a thought or a daydream," I stared at him, speechless. He came closer to me. "Do you remember the journal I gave you? I could never forget the look in your eyes when I told you it was to write down all of your thoughts and dreams, and you immediately began writing in it. I watched in amazement as you scribbled viciously in the book; it was as if I could see the creative energy just flowing from your body and into the pages. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't notice me as I sat across from you and watched in wonder as you wrote." I looked down shyly as he came to stand in front of me, and cupped my chin in his hand and lifted my face to look at him.

"Please tell me you feel the same way about me. I can feel that you do, I _know_ you love me. I just want to hear you say it out loud."

"I-Edmund…If I…" I stared at him, unable to say anything. No words could describe the feelings I felt for him. He groaned as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeply, the hungry way he took my mouth leaving no doubt in my mind about how he felt. Before I could stop myself, I returned his kiss just as eagerly, trying to convey my emotions to him. When we pulled apart, my head was dizzy and he smiled at me. I looked down awkwardly for what seemed like forever, and then back up again at him with sad eyes.

"Edmund, I am getting married."

I sought out Caspian earlier in the day and found him in his study. I had always marvelled at how many books he had in his library in the adjoining room, and usually asked him to pick one out for me to read. But not today. Today was all business.

"Caspian, we need to talk." He lifted his head from his desk and put aside the papers he was reading.

"Asha! What is it? Is there anything wrong?"

"Yes, actually." I looked down at the ground and said softly, "I'm going to be eighteen soon."

"Yes, and?"

"What do you mean, 'and'?" I asked, confused. Had he forgotten?

"I don't see the problem. That's the age a girl in our family usually gets married…" his voice trailed off as he realized the point I was trying to make. I sighed as I stated my business.

"Caspian I don't want to go against royal tradition, but…I can't go through with this betrothal."

"I see," he answered thoughtfully. "And I know. I feel the same way you do."

"You do?" I asked wide-eyed.

"Of course! Asha, you're like a younger sister to me. How can we be married if I still see you as a child who used to beat me at all the games we played? Or how about the time you took my books when I had to study for an exam with the professor, which _happened_ to be the next day, and I found them under your pillow?"

"To be fair, I only did that because _you_ put a frog on my chair at dinner a few days before!" We both laughed as we recalled the memory. When we were quiet again I looked at him. "So, where do we go from here?"

"I'm afraid I cannot change the fact that there must be a wedding for you. You must be married a week after you turn eighteen."

"But you're king now! Isn't there anything you can do?"

"Yes. You and I will no longer be betrothed to one another."

"Oh Caspian, thank you! I mean, it's not that I hate the idea of being married to you but-"

"No words mare necessary. I feel exactly as you do." He paused. "But you must marry. That is something I can't undo, even as a king."

"I will honour the tradition of the family, I promise."

"But the people expect _me_ to find a wife soon. What am I going to do? It could take years before I find the right person!"

"You don't have to search very far. The answer to all of your problems is right within these castle walls," I told him, smiling. He raised an eyebrow at me in disbelief.

"Really? Can you show me this 'answer' that you have so suddenly discovered?" I turned from Caspian and opened the door to his study.

"You may come in now." I called to the person waiting outside. I saw Caspian's eyes widen in shock as Susan walked through the doors. They stood staring at each other and, sensing that I suddenly became invisible, I left the room.

I was later summoned by Caspian to return to his study. When I entered, Caspian was sitting at his desk again with Susan standing behind him with her hand on his shoulder. I suddenly pictured them as King and Queen in their royal garments, having a formal ceremony. They looked like the perfect match. For a while, Caspian looked at me thoughtfully. Finally he loudly declared,

"Asha, I have found a husband for you."

"Who is it Caspian?" I felt my heart leap up into my throat as he got up and took my hands in his.

"Before I tell you, I just want you to know that I do not deserve credit for any of it. Susan and I were talking and she suggested the match and after thoroughly thinking it through, I've decided that it would benefit everyone. My dear cousin, you shall be wed to…"

"Married?"

"Yes, Edmund."

"Well, I hadn't thought about marriage. But I'm sure that in time we'll get to that step-"

"No. Please listen to me. I turn eighteen in a month and our family tradition is that a princess must find a husband a week after her birthday or else she could be punished. Banishment, in the worst cases."

"Those are strict rules. But, if it will make things easier for us," he knelt before me and took my hand in his. "Asha, will you marry me?"

I stood there looking at him for who knows how long. I was frozen. My cheeks began to burn and my vision became blurred as I gazed at him, tears forming. I finally found my voice and told him to stand up. He looked concerned.

"I can't marry you."

"What? But you just said-"

"Edmund, I am to marry Peter." I watched as his eyes grew wide as if he just took a blow. "Edmund, let me explain, please!"

"When were you going to tell me this?"

"Caspian just told me this afternoon. He…"

"_Caspian_ told you? Why would _Caspian_ tell you who you're going to marry?"

"He is King. And since I am a Telmarine princess he now has the right as my guardian to choose a husband for me. I already told you why I cannot refuse him."

"So, you're telling me that you want to marry Peter?"

"Edmund, please stop making this more difficult than it already is."

"I thought you love me!"

"I do! Oh, I do!"

"I can't believe this…and to think that I thought that I even had a chance with you! Why did you agree to marry Peter if you love me? Is it because he's the _High King_ and I'm only a regular king?" He scoffed and paced away from me and then back again. "I see how it is now. You probably just wanted to keep me as an option in case things didn't work out with Peter-"

"Now wait a minute!" I interrupted him before he could hurt me any further. "Stop making accusations and listen to what I have to say!" I took a deep breath and began my speech, my voice shaking at first but then growing stronger and angrier. "Peter is a good man and will make a fine husband for me. But you know you hold my heart, and you always will. No gold band or vows will ever change that. But up until now I had no idea how you felt about me. You were always so irritated and uncomfortable whenever I was near you I thought you hated me! You never even gave me the slightest hint about how you felt. Peter, on the other hand, was always attentive and was never shy. This marriage was agreed to before I even knew how you felt. So if anyone is to be blamed, blame yourself for being a coward for not telling me your true feelings sooner!" My eyes were blazing as he stared at me. I felt the sting of new tears, tears of anger and I turned from him before he could see them fall and went back inside. I didn't trust myself to look back at him, but I could feel his eyes bearing a hole into my neck.

As I entered through the doors, Caspian was making a speech to the guests on how he became king with the help of the Kings and Queens of Old. Peter stood beside him and smiled when he saw me. There was something about it that captivated me and I couldn't help but smile back. Caspian's voice broke into my thoughts.

"I announce to you a marriage that will take place in our fair kingdom. My cousin and I…" he looked at me, "are no longer betrothed to one another." Whispers flew about the room as the people in the crowd looked at each other.

"My people," Caspian began, "I will not be getting married, but our fair princess has considered it an honour to wed the High King and the man whom we are indebted to." Caspian motioned for me to stand beside him, which I obediently did with a small, polite smile on my mouth. He took my hand and took Peter's as well. "It is with great joy that I announce the engagement of Princess Asha of the Telmarines to High King Peter, ruler of Narnia. With this, I hope to form an alliance between the Narnians and the Telmarines, as well as joining the old world with the new!"

The crowd cheered wildly as he placed my hand in Peter's and stepped aside to join Susan. Peter took both of my hands in his at looked at me in a way that made my knees weak. I shyly looked up at him and saw that he was undeniably happy, and being caught up in the moment of the cheers and Peter's beaming face, I couldn't help but smile for real. Caspian's voice rose above the rest of the crowd.

"Peter! Do not deny your future bride a kiss!" My eyes grew wide, as I froze in place. I have always found Peter to be very attractive, he the fairer of the brothers while Edmund was the darker. Edmund. His name rang through my mind and I thought of how different these two brothers are, like light and day. Peter's face was handsome, undoubtedly, his blue eyes as clear as the sea, his jaw strong and manly, his mouth so full and sensuous. I wanted to kiss him, I realized suddenly, and I secretly hoped that he wanted to kiss me too…

Before I could think any further, Peter's head swooped down and placed his lips on mine. Hard. My eyes stayed open in surprise as I looked at Caspian. He motioned for me to do something other than just stand there so I put my arms around Peter's neck and the kiss deepened. His tongue sought mine as his lips moved across my mouth, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. A wave of desire washed over me as I felt heat crawling under my skin like fire, spreading throughout my entire body. I instinctively pulled him closer to me, not really knowing what I was doing.

We parted, staring into each others' eyes, desire written plainly on our faces. Peter put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his side so he could whisper in my ear.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time."

He kissed my temple and I closed my eyes, feeling blissful. Then I opened them, knowing that there was a black cloud over this happy time. Edmund. I lowered my head as I thought of his name and held my breath to steady myself, trying to disguise my feelings to that of a shy fiancée. When I finally looked up I saw him standing against a pillar, glaring at us. I gave him an equally cold stare, but when I saw a tear drop from his hurt eyes it was all I could do to not run after him and declare that this was all a joke we were playing. _This must be a nightmare_, I thought as I stared at him. When he slowly turned and walked out of the room, fresh tears started to run down my face.

Peter must have heard my soft sobbing and he looked at me, concerned. I smiled up at him.

"Tears of joy," I said reassuringly. His face once again broke out into a smile, but I was lying to myself as well as him. For a time, I did feel happiness. But at that moment I knew nothing but pure pain.


	6. Chapter Five

All night in my room, I lay awake crying. Crying because I knew too late that Edmund loved me and I so deeply loved him. And crying because Peter, who knew nothing, was in danger if getting hurt if he ever found out about my true feelings. And crying for myself, for the mess I'd gotten myself into.

The next morning I skipped breakfast and went for a ride. I needed to get away, to think. I rode and rode until I came to the edge of a cliff and saw the sea stretched out beneath me. I got down from my horse and sat in the grass. I looked out before me and sighed. It was so quiet, so peaceful that I thought I could hear the grass move in the wind, and saw birds flying above me. I wished I was that free. I must've been deep in my thoughts for I jumped when I heard Peter's voice.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Peter! Of course. I'm sorry, I was just…thinking." He sat down beside me and rested his arms on his knees with his hands together. For a while, we didn't say anything to each other. We stared into the foggy mist as the sun slowly crept higher and higher into the sky. I wondered what he was thinking about. Did he know about Edmund? Did he want to break the engagement? I glanced at him as I sighed and lay down on the grass and looked up at the gray, colourless sky. _It's probably going to rain today_, I thought.

Peter lay back too, with one arm behind his head and he looked at me. Questions flew about in my mind. I decided to ask the one that needed I the most desperate answer to.

"Peter, why did you agree to marry me?" He didn't say anything and I searched his face for an answer, but nothing. I sat up and was just about to leave when he finally spoke.

"Look at yourself. In my entire life, I have never seen anyone so beautiful."

"Is that the only reason? Is there nothing else you see in me?" I shook my head slightly. "Do you even know me?"

"Of course I do. You're Asha, Telmarine Princess."

"That's not what I mean. Do you know me as a _person_?"

"Asha, why are you asking me this?"

"Because, I don't want to wake up one day and realize I've married a complete stranger who doesn't know a thing about me and I don't know anything about him. I don't want you to do this because you feel Caspian has forced you into it. If that's the case, we should go to Caspian as soon as possible and he will find someone else for me." He sat up and gazed at me, intensity filled his blue eyes.

"Caspian has nothing to do with this, nor do I feel forced into this situation in any way. I know that I love you, from the moment I set eyes on you. When I'm near you, I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's all I can do not to take you into my arms. I cherish every moment we spend together, no matter how small or insignificant." He gripped my hands and gently held them in his. "You have an air about you that screams royalty, from your head to your feet. But I also love how you can be down to earth, and that you have a kind heart and a warm smile for everyone. You will be a perfect wife, and Asha, I make a vow from the bottom of my heart to be the husband that you deserve." I stared at him for a long time with my heart caught in my throat. His words were so sincere, the look in his eyes were filled with genuine love. _Maybe being married to Peter wouldn't be so terrible_, I thought. _And maybe, with Peter's love for me, I could learn to love him in return and eventually be able to push Edmund out of my mind for good. Maybe…_

After what seemed like forever, with one swift motion he took my face into his hands and pressed his lips to mine. My head was spinning and I couldn't focus, but before I knew it he was gently pushing me to the ground with my arms around him, and he began kissing my cheeks, my neck and my eyelids. With a small gasp, I gently pushed him away and stared up at him, the heat pooling at the pit of my stomach and fire where my hands were touching him. Was it possible? Did these feelings mean that I have some sort of attraction to Peter too? I looked down and tried to argue otherwise. How could he have such an effect on me if it wasn't true? I gave him a small smile and told him we should be getting back to the castle before someone realized how long were gone, especially without a chaperone.

As we rode back, I lingered behind him, thinking. There was no denying it. I loved Peter. But then there was Edmund, who I had just given my heart to. I mentally scolded myself for causing such a mess. Only a fool would be torn between two brothers. And as I looked at my reflection in the stream of water we rode beside, I whispered,

"I'm that fool."

The wedding preparations began immediately. Peter walked about the castle shining with obvious pride and Caspian had ordered the dressmaker to begin designing the gowns for me as well as my bridesmaids. Peter and Caspian were always being taken away by meetings with the nobles (they were still not used to sharing the land with the Narnians), so I was left to do the minor planning by myself. I was directed to the main library where a selection of dress samples would be and as soon as I walked in, I froze. Lucy was sitting with Edmund, speaking in what seemed like a deep conversation. I felt rooted to the spot when they finally noticed I was there and I had to turn my face away when Edmund looked at me, his eyes filled with pure pain. He finally got up and left, using the door on the other side of the room, leaving Lucy and I alone. From the look on her face, it didn't take me long to realize what they were talking about.

"He's told you, hasn't he?"

"I'm afraid he has, Asha." I looked at her, a girl saddled with all of these problems. Hadn't they just been through hell? She sat there, so regal for someone so young. I wondered how on earth she could stay so calm during this whole scene. I certainly couldn't, for I fell to my knees in front of her and started to cry. She lifted me gently to sit beside her and she held me until I stopped.

"There, there. I must say I should have known it was Ed. The way he looks at you sometimes should have sent off all sorts of warning signs in my head, but you seemed to be in love with Peter."

"Look at the mess I've made!"

"Don't worry about that. Everything will work out. I've had a long talk with Edmund."

"Oh." I looked at her. "He probably never wants to see me or have anything to do with me again."

"Quite the opposite, actually. He told me he'll never stop loving you, even though this hurts him." She paused. "Does Peter know?"

"No! I can't tell him and he can never know. It will kill him if he finds out."

"And what about you? How do you feel?"

"I know this seems impossible, but I love them. Both, but in different ways."

"I'm not sure what you mean." I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue talking, so I gave Lucy an unsure look. "Go on, it will help you."

"Peter is wonderful, and Edmund is too. But it's like they control different parts of me." I looked up at her from under my eyelashes. "I love Peter, but it's not my heart that longs for him…its my body." Her eyes widened as I spoke, and I covered my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment. "Oh, I knew I shouldn't be talking to you about this! You don't want to hear these things about your brother." She put her hand on my shoulder.

"You're right, I don't. Believe me when I say I'm just as uncomfortable as you are. But isn't it better to talk about it than keep everything bottled up? I'm here. Whenever you're ready, you can keep going." I wiped my face quickly and took a few deep breaths. I finally found my voice and continued.

"I've almost made love to him. Peter, I mean. I can't help it. When he holds me, my body sets fire and I can't control myself. I want to be with him so badly. Whenever he is near me, I can practically feel the spark ignite and it almost happens." I decided to leave out the part where we were almost caught by Caspian in the stables. "But no matter how close we come, there is always one thing holding me back."

"Edmund." I looked up and saw that Lucy was looking past me. The voice that whispered the name was not Lucy but Susan, who now stood in the doorway. She walked over to us and put her hand on Lucy's shoulder.

"Lu, maybe you should leave us. I think you're too young to hear what we're talking about." Lucy gave Susan a look of protest but the older queen returned the look with a comforting one. But before Lucy left, I whispered pleadingly,

"Please don't breathe a word of this to anyone." She nodded and left us, Susan taking her place in the seat beside me. I told her all that I told Lucy but since she was older, I knew I could trust her and opened my heart to her.

"…Edmund is always there, in the back of my mind. When I am with Peter, I close my eyes and I see his face before mine, like magic, and it shows such sadness that I have to get away from Peter. But Edmund won't talk to me; he won't even look at me. Peter may have my body, but Edmund has my heart and no matter what I do, he always will. I just don't know what to do anymore!" I threw up my hands in frustration and buried my face in my hands, remembering the night Caspian announced my engagement, how Edmund looked lifeless among the happy crowd. Susan hugged me, patiently.

"Asha, Caspian told me that it's not uncommon for a couple who are to be wed soon to…to _be together_. As a matter of fact, Caspian and I…well, you can probably guess." She blushed a deep shade of red, almost matching the burgundy of her gown. "Being with him in that way just deepened the love we have for each other, as if we were giving ourselves to each other completely. Now it's a little awkward for me to be saying this, but I think you should give in to your feelings for Peter. If you want to be with him, then be with him; no one else has to know if you don't want them to. Maybe your head will be clearer afterwards." I gave Susan an unsure look, but thanked her nonetheless and we left the room together.

That night at dinner, I couldn't eat. I toyed with my food and picked at it but I couldn't stomach it. Caspian remarked that I was quiet and Peter asked if anything was wrong. I assured him I was fine and I discreetly glanced over at Edmund, who was sitting across the table. He was staring at his plate and didn't even look in my direction. Then I felt a surge of anger; if he loved me as much as he said he did, he would try to do everything he could to stop me from getting married to Peter. If he wasn't willing to fight to be with me, then maybe it would be better if I was married to Peter after all. He sat beside me, and I looked up at him from under my eyelashes and smiled as I took in his handsome appearance. _Maybe I should take Susan's advice, _I thought. _Even if I realize after that I don't love Peter, at least my wantings would stop._

After dinner, Edmund left to go to his room and I spent the evening with the rest of the group. When Caspian asked if he could see the final list of guests who would be attending the wedding, I rushed to my room to get it. On the way there, I passed Edmund's room and stopped in front of his door. I felt the urge to speak with him, to confront him about his attitude, so I lifted my hand to knock on the door but froze when I heard voices inside. I pressed my ear against the wood and heard a woman giggling and Edmund chuckling. I know his laugh anywhere.

I couldn't move. Edmund had another woman in his room! My heart was hammering so loudly, that I could feel it beating in my ears. But the beating soon turned to footsteps and I heard someone put their hand on the doorknob. I jumped into the shadows and saw one of the kitchen maids open the door and leave his room, her hair and clothes in disarray. She disappeared down the steps and I moved in front of the doorway and stared at Edmund. He was looking down at a table, pouring himself a drink with his back turned to me. Tears welled in my eyes and I let out a small sob. His head jerked up, and I dashed to my room before he turned around. I leaned against my bedroom door breathing heavily. I was more determined than ever to be with Peter now. I quickly went to my writing table and took out a small piece of paper, and quickly scribbled:

_Peter,_

_Meet me in the stables in 15 minutes._

_-Asha_

I grabbed the list and the note and ran back to the family. After about an hour or so, Lucy began yawning and we all laughed and agreed that it was time to head to bed. I waited for Edmund come back so I could watch him cringe at the way I would cling to Peter, but he never did. Peter was the last to say goodnight to me and when he took my hand to kiss it, I slipped him the note. He looked at it and then at me and I blushed as I turned from him and went back to my room to prepare for what was to come.

I waited in the stables anxiously for Peter, who was a few minutes late. I paced back and forth, wiping my clammy hands on my dress until I heard footsteps. I saddled my horse as Peter turned the corner and quickly jumped on. He looked up at me with a look that made me blush.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello," I returned. He quickly followed my lead and saddled his horse, watching him swing his strong legs on either side of his mount. "Follow me," I whispered as I broke into a gallop, riding out into the night. I heard him following me and I slowed down so we could ride beside each other.

I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see me tremble and turn red when he took my hand and held it in his until we reached our destination; an area on the shore of the sea that no one except for me knew about. I looked out before me and saw the moonlight shine on the water as it softly rose up on the sand and then back down again, remembering how I used to sit here when I was younger in complete privacy, with only the darkness to protect me. I got down from my horse and took off my shoes and stepped into the water, feeling a chill as I did so. I stood looking out onto the horizon, not knowing where the sea ended or where the sky began.

I felt arms come around my waist and wrap around my body. Peter rested his head on my shoulder and I could hear him breathing, rather heavily. I turned my head and gazed into his eyes, clear as crystal, for a long time. Then I worked up the courage to kiss him. He slowly turned me around so he could pull me closer and I wrapped my arms around his neck in a vice-like grip. The kiss deepened and I pressed my body as close as I could to his, feeling the heat of his skin even through my dress. Then he stopped and stepped away from me, turning towards the sea.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just…" he ran a hand through his perfect hair and exhaled. "Whenever this begins to happen, it ends up not happening. Believe me, I want you. But it always seems like there's something holding you back. When it happens, I want it to be when we can give ourselves to each other completely." His voice was heavy with lust and he kept his arms straight at his sides in what I could tell was by complete and utter control. "I've dreamed of this moment, when I could finally hold you in my arms and be with you. But I'm willing to wait until we've married." I walked up to him and laid my hands on his chest as I looked up at him shyly.

"I don't want to wait anymore." I whispered, huskily. "Peter, until now I wasn't sure what I wanted. But now I know that I just want you, to be with you."

"Asha, don't do this to me. I can't take it, it's like torture…"

"Then let's stop torturing ourselves," I said as I toyed with the laces of his tunic, and slowly began pulling at them. He whispered my name as he crushed me to his body, caressing me with kisses all over my neck and shoulders. His desire was so great that he nearly forgot that I was an untouched maid and I was inexperienced in the ways of making love, but my own desire heightened at such a pace that it wasn't long before I begged him to finally take me. I closed my eyes as I was whisked away into a new world of overwhelming passion.


	7. Chapter Six

I woke up with my head on Peter's chest and his arm around my shoulders, both of us lying on the sand. The memory of last night came rushing back as I fluttered my eyes open and I blushed as I looked up at him. It was wonderful, an experience I'll never forget. Peter was obviously no amateur, I noted, thinking of how he knew exactly where the most pleasurable parts of my body were, but was gentle too. I stretched and Peter stirred and woke up, giving me a lingering kiss on my forehead. He traced the length of my arm with his fingers and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Good morning," he said lazily.

"Good…morning? It's morning? Oh, no!" I jumped up and began putting my clothes on.

"What's the matter?"

"We have to get back! Caspian will come looking for me soon! The seamstress is coming today for my fitting!" He slowly got up and put his own clothes on as I prepared my horse for the ride back. Before I got on, he took my hand and pulled me towards him so he could kiss me. The kiss was deep and long, as if to give me a lasting memory of what happened. When we parted his face was only inches away from mine and I felt his cool breath come forward as he whispered,

"Thank you. I will treasure the memory of last night, always."

I smiled up at him. "So will I."

Squeezing his hand once, I jumped onto my horse and raced home, thankfully to find the castle still quiet and snuck into my room to change into my nightgown and mess up my bed so it looked like I had slept there. I actually felt tired, so I climbed in. As I closed my eyes, a smile appeared on my face; now I knew how I truly felt.

The next week was strange. I confided in Susan (reluctantly) about what happened and instantly felt much better about everything, but there was hustle and bustle about the castle. Caspian was informed of how some of the Telmarines grew restless sharing with the Narnians and knew of a band of men who were still loyal followers of Miraz. This didn't worry him or Peter too much for they were just a small group of people, but they kept on their guard for some sort of attack.

"Alright, let's try it again," I told Peter as Caspian motioned for the music to start. The most important ritual in a Telmarine wedding is the wedding dance, which truly signifies the marriage of a couple. I've seen many before, I've even seen my own mother's and I remember dreaming of the day when I could do this with my husband on my wedding day. The dance itself seems somewhat complicated, but is actually quite easy once one learns the basic steps. There is a lot of spinning involved for the woman and quick steps for the man, but the close intimacy and romantic movements the couple shares is breathtaking. Peter wanted to learn more about the Telmarine culture and, knowing how important this was to me and my family, was eager to learn how to do it.

We gathered (Peter and me, Caspian and Susan) in the ballroom and after explaining how it went, we began practicing. Lucy wandered in at one point and squealed gleefully and wanted to join in. Suddenly she disappeared. But just as quickly as she left she was back again, clutching Edmund's sleeve.

"I needed a partner. Everyone else has one." Edmund and I exchanged glances and I blushed from embarrassment when Peter put his arm around my waist.

"From the top, please," Peter told the musicians. We positioned ourselves in the starting poses and began moving with the music. Now, the High King may be many things: brave, wise, charming…but he cannot dance if his life depended on it. I could feel my toes beginning to swell and tried my best not to grimace when Peter stepped on them. He looked at me helplessly and I could tell he was mortified. Not wanting to embarrass him, I lied to boost his confidence and to encourage his progress. Finally, the frustration was too great for him and he threw his hands up in the air.

"I can't do this!"

"Yes you can, Peter. It just takes some time," I told him as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Asha, I'm surprised that your toes haven't fallen off yet. I'm terrible, just admit it."

"I won't admit it, because it's not true."

"Bloody hell! I can face an entire army of men but I can't learn a dance? Maybe if I saw how it was done properly. Caspian?" His head turned this way and that looking for my cousin. "Where did he go?"

"He was summoned to the library," Susan told him.

"Fantastic," Peter said sarcastically. "I was going to ask if he and Asha could show me. Wait a minute…" He paused to think. Then he stretched his hand out in Edmund's direction. "Ed, get over here."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"We used to call Edmund 'twinkle-toes' back home in England. All the girls loved to dance with him because he knew all the latest dances and he can learn new ones in a heartbeat."

"Really?" I said, surprised to hear this of him and I raised my eyebrows. "All the girls in England? It sounds like you kept busy." Peter chuckled as he grabbed Edmunds arm.

"Do you think you can handle these steps?"

"It doesn't look to difficult," he said as he looked at me. "Shall we give it a try?" I shrugged as we moved into the centre of the ballroom. This was the first time we had even noticed the other was there in over a week. He was looking at me so intensely that I began trembling, despite my effort to show no emotion. I didn't dare look at him; I didn't want him to see what I was feeling. He took my hand in his and, feeling my fingers quivering, he chuckled. He knew how nervous I was! Damn him! He smiled a wicked smile as he put his arm around my waist and guided me to the rhythm of the song.

I think Susan once used the expression 'on cloud nine' and I wasn't sure of what she meant…until now. For that moment, there was nothing but the two of us and the music. The dance went smoothly and perfectly, as if Edmund had done it all his life. I could feel his breath on my cheek when we came closer and for a moment I thought I felt his palms become sweaty. I wasn't sure if it was because of the dancing or if he was just as nervous with me as I was with him. I finally forced myself to look at him, and he was still staring at me. I looked down at the floor again.

"Stop looking at me like that," I whispered.

"Why? You don't like it?"

"No. It looks as if…" I stopped, but he finished my thought for me.

"…As if I would make love to you right now on this floor?" His eyes twinkled and the corners of his mouth turned up. "I would, you know. You're very tempting."

"Stop it! Your brother is standing right there!" Peter was watching us with a smile on his face, completely oblivious while Susan and Lucy could feel the tension in the room and stood stiffly by one another.

"I wonder if Peter would mind sharing you? One night with me, the next night with him…"

"Watch your words _old king_," I cut him off sharply, daring him to defy me with my eyes. "You forget who you're talking to."

"I remember exactly who I'm talking to. A girl who can't make up her mind."

"I told you that my mind is made up. Stop dragging this on. You're just hurting yourself. Let it go."

"I will if you will." He held my hand in his and spun me across the floor. The dance was complete.

"Incredible. Once you actually see it, it looks amazing. You two danced like it was the real thing." He folded his arms across his chest and jokingly said, "Maybe you should be marrying Edmund instead of me!" He laughed loudly but stopped when he realized he was the only one. Susan and Lucy stood with their mouths hanging open and Edmund blushed lightly as Peter looked around at us in confusion. I glanced at Edmund, and then straightened my shoulders and slid my hand in Peter's as I smiled at him.

"No, Peter. I am very happy to be marrying you. I will be a good wife and take no other man in your place. I will be _faithful_ to you, as you have been _faithful_ to me." I emphasised the word 'faithful' to make sure Edmund understood the hidden message. I glanced at him again, and he glared at me before he stomped out of the room.

"Is everything all right between you two?" Peter said as he looked at me, confused. "He looked upset."

"Just one of his moods, I suppose." I flashed him a reassuring smile and he visibly relaxed, though I could not say the same for his sisters. "Shall we try the dance once more?"


	8. Chapter Seven

I sat in my room the next day, working on my penmanship. I hadn't seen Edmund except when the family gathered for meals and Susan and Lucy gave me cautioned looks whenever he walked in the room, but I immediately shook them off. What happened between Edmund and me was in the past and meant nothing.

I was still in my dressing gown when my maid entered my room.

"My Lady, his highness requests your presence." I got up from my chair and sighed as I moved to my closet to get dressed. How many more wedding plans did Caspian want to go over? I thought we took care of all the preparations. In the middle of putting on my dress, the maid returned.

"My Lady, his highness is waiting in your drawing room." I paused. Strange; why would Caspian want to discuss something like wedding guests so privately? "He requests that you hasten."

"Please tell Caspian that I will be just a moment longer."

"Oh, my Lady! It is not his majesty, but his highness King Edmund!" Edmund? What was he doing here? I kept telling myself that nothing was going on. But why were my hands shaking when I walked in the room to meet him?

He sat in a chair near the fireplace, but stood up when he saw me.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello, your highness," I said coolly. "Did you sleep well?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Would your highness like something to drink, or eat?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Saying, 'your highness, your highness'…I have a name you know!"

"Oh, I apologize," I said with a hint of sarcasm. "I didn't realize it bothered you." I dismissed my maid and looked at Edmund once we were alone. He seemed to be on edge because of something, but decided that it was up to him whether he wanted to tell me what was bothering him or not. I sat down and he did the same, both of us saying nothing for a long time. Then he got up and turned his back to me. More silence.

When he finally did turn to me, there was a look of anger on his face that terrified me.

"I know what you did with Peter."

"What do you mean?" I said, feigning innocence.

"Don't play games, Asha. I saw you go off together that night. I watched from my window, and then saw you come back the next morning. I didn't get any sleep. What do you think you were doing?"

"I was with my husband-to-be," I told him matter-of-factly. "And what does it matter to you?"

"First of all, don't play stupid. I _know_ what happened between the two of you. And secondly, it matters to me because I love you! Did you forget that?"

"No. But did _you_?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You seemed to forget you loved me that very same night I left with your brother. I saw you too you know, with that girl who works in the kitchen. Do you know what that did to me? I stood in your doorway and I watched you…I wanted to die!"

"That _was_ you I saw?"

"Yes it was!" I was angry now, I knew my eyes were blazing and I stood up. "And you have some nerve coming here and scolding me for doing something that I wanted to do!"

"You wanted it? Peter didn't…"

"No. Peter didn't pressure or persuade me in any way. _You_ did. I'm not going to lie to you; I wanted Peter. But I wasn't sure what to do until I saw you with _her_." I stepped back as he moved closer.

"She meant nothing to me," he whispered.

"Oh? Just another body to warm your bed? Who else have you made love to while you claimed to love me?"

"You know what? It's none of your business what I do either! You have Peter! Now go and live your happy lives as king and queen with your eighteen children while _I _stand in the shadows, watching what should have been _mine_!" He hit his fist against his chest to emphasize his feelings. I noticed his knuckles were white and his fingers were turning red.

"Will you stop it? I don't want to have any of that! I want to be with _you_. I thought Peter was the man for me, but I was wrong." He gawked at me, frozen in place.

"What do you mean?" he said quietly.

"I realized Peter wasn't for me. I don't love him in the way I thought I did. I love you, and I wanted to be with you. But after I saw you with her…" I looked down at the ground and spread my hands out in front of me in defeat. "I suppose part of being with Peter was out of spite towards you."

"Asha, believe me when I tell you that she meant nothing to me. I'm a man, and so is Peter. We've had our share of women, but no one will ever take your place in my heart." I looked up at him, with an unsure expression on my face. "By Aslan! What will it take to prove to you how much you mean to me?"

"Fight for me, or with me. Help me get out of my marriage to Peter so I can be with you!" The wind blew through the open window and a strand of hair fell in front of my face. As Edmund pushed it away, he trailed his fingers down my cheek and I saw a twinkle in his eye as I stared at him, my skin burning where he touched it.

"I actually have a better idea." He went to my door and first peered out side to check if anyone was there, and then locked it. When he came back to me, he picked me up and kissed me as he placed me on my bed.

"Edmund, no!" I giggled like a new bride as I ran my fingers through his hair, but then I remembered something important. "What about Peter?"

"We'll worry about him later," he said huskily. "Right now, I need you more than anything. _Asha_..." My name on his lips was a plea that I did not have the strength to fight against. I let out a small groan as I grabbed his tunic, pulling him closer to me. He left a trail from my ear to my shoulder with his mouth, each kiss searing my skin as if I was on fire.

I mumbled something but before I could finish what I was saying, Edmund put his mouth on mine and erased any words I would have said, if I had been able to say them. The room was spinning and I couldn't see straight, but I could feel…oh, I could feel! Edmunds hands were like magic; running up and down my body as if committing to memory each of my curves and my back instinctively arched up against him. I gasped as his lips left mine, his scorching eyes looking into mine with nothing but pure love. I forgot everything, including the promise I had made to Peter about fidelity. I only knew that this young man was the only reason I was put onto this earth by the Gods; it was my destiny to belong to this king, and only this king.

I've made love twice, to two brothers. When I was with Peter it was wonderful, but it was only our bodies that joined. Edmund took me to a whole new place. I knew that in what Edmund and I shared, our souls and our hearts became one and at that moment, I didn't care about Peter or Caspian or anything else. I loved him, and that was all that mattered.


	9. Chapter Eight

I woke up looking at the afternoon sun shining brightly. I stretched and turned over onto my side and saw Edmund sleeping beside me. I studied his face, peaceful and relaxed. His hair was dishevelled and my breath caught in my throat at how young he looked, boyish even. I smiled as I snuggled closer to him feeling the movement of his chest as he breathed deeply and I sighed. There was no doubt in my mind that this is where I belonged forever.

We stayed that way for a few moments longer until I saw his eyes flutter open. He lazily lifted himself up onto one elbow and his eyes smiled into mine.

"Hello" he breathed.

"Hello. How…how are you?"

"I'll let you know after I kiss you." He gently pressed his lips to mine and I smiled as he lingered there, then moving his lips to kiss my eyelids.

"Well?" I asked. He gave a low chuckle and stroked my cheek.

"I was so afraid that we wouldn't solve anything between us. Everything was so complicated that I didn't know what to do to prove how I felt, and I didn't plan to end up in your bed, but you pushed me over the edge."

"So, what you're saying is that it's _my_ fault that we ended up here? _You_ came in and yelled at me first, remember?"

"I won't deny it, but I'm glad. Now I know for sure that I love you more than I ever could."

"I love you too Edmund, so very much." He bent his head to kiss me again but stopped when he noticed my mood had changed.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I couldn't help crying as I spoke.

"Don't you know that this was only one of many obstacles we will face? I can't go to Caspian; I know he won't allow us to be together because I'm still promised to Peter. And Peter! I just…I don't want him to get hurt. Oh Edmund, what are we going to do?"

"Shh…shh." He said as he cradled me to him to stop my crying. "Listen, I don't want Peter to get hurt either; he's my brother. But I'm not going to give you up, not after all that's happened. Things will work out, but until then we should keep this quiet. We should focus on being together as much as we can until we finally figure out what to do." He took my face into his hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs. "My goddess. My poor, star goddess." I blinked and stared up at him, wide-eyed.

"You remember?" I said, smiling.

"Of course. And if this is anything like that legend, we will be together. I promise." I suddenly felt a wave of reassurance. My moon god will find a way. Everything will be alright after all. But it was not so.

Two weeks flew by and I had never been happier in my life. I found love and a home in Edmunds arms and we secretly spent as much time as we could together. My love for Peter was different now, more friend-like. Of course he would steal a kiss here and there, and Edmund would get murderously jealous, but he knew as well as I did that it was only so no one would become suspicious. But one evening, our worst fears were realized.

Caspian found out.

I was alone in my room when I heard a knock on my door. Thinking it was Edmund, I hurried over to my mirror to fix my hair and then ran smiling to the door. When I opened it, it was Caspian standing there with his arms folded across his chest.

"Caspian! What are you doing here? I thought you were with Susan." He pushed his way inside and kept his back to me.

"I was with Susan. But on my way upstairs I discovered some very interesting information." He turned to me and I could see the anger slowly creep into his face.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Edmund! Asha, how could you? Your fiancé's brother?" I stared at him, struggling to breath, almost paralyzed with fear. I couldn't lie to him.

"How did you find out?"

"The girl from the kitchen told me. What she was doing up on this floor in the first place is still unknown to me. But she's not important. Do you want to embarrass our family? I could banish you for this, and believe me when I say I've considered it."

"Do it then! I don't care!" I snapped.

"You don't care about your family, your position? I don't believe you."

"Believe it. And believe this: I love Edmund and he loves me, plain and simple."

"But Asha, you are engaged to be married to-"

"I know! That's why I don't care if you banish me. If you will not let me be with Edmund, then I would rather not be here at all!"

"That is enough!" His voice rumbled into the farthest corners of my room. "As your king and guardian, I order you to cease this affair with Edmund and marry the man we chose for you. You will marry Peter."

"Caspian, I will not. Do what you like, but I refuse to do what is against my heart, and my heart tells me that I belong to no one else but Edmund." He angrily walked to my door and paused just before he left. He turned to me once again and said sternly,

"Are you actually willing to tarnish the good name of your parents? Of your father? Think about that before you run back to Edmund."

When he closed the door I collapsed on the floor, crying. His words were like a knife, each syllable a stab to my heart. My father; what would he think of me? His only child, dishonouring her vow to be faithful to her future husband, and going against everything she was taught. Guilt consumed me and I stayed locked in my room for the rest of the night, crying out loud for my father's forgiveness. I was forced to make a decision and, with a heavy heart, I sought out Edmunds room early in the morning. When I opened the door, I couldn't find him. I was told by his servant that he was preparing in the stables for the hunt today with Peter and Caspian, but he was looking for me. I thanked him and ran to the stables to find Edmund but he wasn't there either. I ran up and down the castle and finally went back to his room. When I entered, Edmund was just coming out of his bedroom. He must have just started getting dressed because he held his shirt in his hand, and was naked from the waist up.

"There you are! Are you alright? You look exhausted."

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Really? I wanted to talk to you last night but your door was locked."

"I wasn't feeling well. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, before I came to see you, Isobel came to see me…"

"Who?"

"The…kitchen girl…The one who-"

"Oh yes. I know which one." I cringed at the thought of that girl. That's the second knife she's stuck in my back. She told Caspian about us, and because of her I'm going to lose everything.

"Well, she asked me why I never saw her or spoke to her anymore and I told her that I had found someone else. I told her that I never wanted to see her again but she said she was in love with me and wouldn't give me up…"

"Edmund…"

"…But when I told her I was in love with you she began yelling and threatened to tell Caspian or even kill you and she began calling you all these names…"

"Edmund please…"

"…and I told her that if she ever spoke about you like that again I would make her sorry she ever set foot in this castle…"

"Let me speak, Edmund!" He stared at me, shocked. I never snapped so quickly before, but I knew it was from the pain and guilt I was feeling. This is the second time that I would break his heart. "Edmund, it's over."

"What is?"

"Us. I can't be with you anymore." He stared at me as the words escaped from my mouth. I could hardly believe that I was actually doing this.

"Asha, stop joking around."

"I'm not. I mean it. We're finished." He turned from me and was still for a few moments. I could see his muscles tighten in his back and I heard a loud crash as I saw him throw a table on its side, sending all its contents scattered to the floor.

"Do you know you're killing me, Asha? One day, you say you love me and then the next day you don't. Damn it, I wish you would make up your mind!"

"It is made up. We're through." He walked over to me and grabbed my shoulders, his fingers biting into my skin.

"I love you. Can't you see that? If there is anything that I've done to make you think otherwise, tell me what it is and I can fix it. If there is anything that I could do to prove to you how much I do love you, I would do it all. But I'm only human. Please," he said, his eyes filled with such pleading it made my heart break, "tell me you don't mean what you're saying." I gazed at the floor the entire time he spoke to me.

"I do, Edmund." I knew that if I looked at him, my eyes would betray me and I would never be able to do this. There had to be something I could say that would just end it all and walk away as if this never happened.

"No, you don't Asha," he murmured as he buried his face in my hair. "I don't know why you're telling me this, but it can't be true."

"Stop making this so hard," I begged.

"There's nothing hard about admitting the truth. You don't want to do this. I can feel that you don't." His hands ran up and down my back as he covered my neck with kisses. I let out a small groan as he pulled me closer to him, and my fingered curled in his hair as I closed my eyes. I had to give in, I couldn't stop myself. Suddenly, I saw a vision of two accusing eyes before me. They were filled with shame and disappointment. The eyes of my father.

"No!" I cried as I pushed Edmund away. I hadn't had a vision since I was a little girl. My mother told me the gods blessed me with a gift, and my visions only came when I least expected them to. We were both panting and staring at each other. "I can't do this to Peter."

"Peter? What does Peter have to do with this?"

"He is my future husband Edmund. I gave him my word that I would be faithful to him and love him."

"But you told me that the love you have for Peter isn't the same as the one you have for me."

"Yes, but my love for Peter can grow with time. My love for you…" It suddenly came to me what I had to say. It would make him hate me but it was the only way to end this all for good. I fought with myself and managed to keep a calm face as I told him: "My love for you has run its course."

It was shocking to see how fast his face changed. My strong and brave king, my Edmund looked as if he were about to break down and cry. I could hardly stand it. I touched my face and felt betraying tears, and I stared at my tear-drenched hand thinking that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. I should never have come here; I should never have told him this. But Caspian's words rang in my mind: "Forever tarnish the name of your father." Edmund took steps towards me, his arms ready to take me into his embrace but I covered my face with one hand and held up my other to stop him from coming closer.

"Asha…please…" he choked.

"Goodbye Edmund," I whispered. And I ran out the door.


	10. Chapter Nine

After that day, I became miserable. I went to Caspian to tell him I had ended it with Edmund, and he told me he was very happy that I made the right choice. How could he not notice the pain in my eyes when he smiled at me? I was dying on the inside. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and I stopped doing the things that I loved; dancing, writing, reading. When I stopped going out to ride, that's when Peter became concerned.

"It's her favourite thing to do," I overheard Peter tell Susan in confidence one day. "She's acting like she's dead. What has gotten into her?"

"Peter, think for a moment. She's a young girl about to get married to someone she barely knows, and with no family here to help her."

"She has Caspian, but lately it seems like she won't even look at him."

"Caspian doesn't really have time to help her. He's busy enough with the kingdom as it is. Give her some time alone to think. She'll come around." Susan knew the real reason why I was depressed. I ran to her after I spoke with Caspian. She spoke to me as often as she could, but I could never respond to her. It was as if giving Edmund up was like giving up my whole life; like I couldn't function without him.

I never saw Edmund. I couldn't face him and expect not to fall right back into his arms. At odd times I would catch him leaving a room or see him at my rare dinner appearances, but each time I saw him, he looked worse than I did. His eyes seemed red and he looked like he hadn't slept in months. His face was paler than mine, and when he looked at me, I had to look away from the wounded look he gave me. I walked about my cousin's castle like a ghost, as if something was weighing me down. My life seemed to have no purpose. There was nothing to shake me from the spell I was under. Of course, there was one thing, but I never got my hopes up that Caspian would reconsider and change his mind. And even if he did, why would Edmund want to see me again? Suddenly, just as we feared, it happened.

A battle.

The Telmarines who still sided with Miraz and hated Caspian had gathered enough men to form an army large enough to scare the generals on Caspian's council. Some advised him to flee and some advised him to stay and fight. I entered his study as he was speaking to the Pevensie kings. I didn't know if he made a decision or not. When I opened the door, they all looked at me. Edmund did as well, but he quickly shot his head back down. I fought with myself to focus on Peter and Caspian, and the grave looks on their faces told me that Caspian had made his decision.

"You're staying?" I asked, quietly.

"Yes. It's my only choice."He said. "We're moving to the front tomorrow. I already gave the order for any able-bodied men to join us. It doesn't match their numbers, but it's all we have right now."

"I will come with you."

"No." Peter and Caspian said at the same time. Caspian spoke. "You are not going to fight with us, Asha."

"Why not? I know how to fight! As I recall, I always beat you when we were younger. And after a few lessons with Peter, I still haven't lost my touch."

"But it isn't me or Peter you will be fighting. That was for fun. These are warriors, soldiers trained to kill."

"Caspian, it's my home too. I have to fight with you."

"I agree with Caspian, Asha," Peter said. "You'll stay in the castle where it's safe."

"No! I will not stay in here while I watch you get yourselves killed! This is ridiculous! Caspian, please…I can help."

"Asha, I can't have you fighting. If I die, you are next in line for the throne. If I get killed, but we win, you will become queen."

"You…you won't die." I choked. I suddenly realized that this could be the very last time I see my cousin, or the Pevensies. I looked at the floor and took in what Caspian told me. If he dies, the gods forbid, I will be the last member of our family. My mother left with General Glozelle, and I would be the sole survivor. I understood why I could not fight. It would be up to me to keep our royal bloodline flowing. If we both died, our family would cease to exist. With a heavy heart, I conceded defeat.

They prepared to leave by dawn. Lucy was forbidden to fight by her brothers as well, so at least I wasn't alone in my misery or fear. We said tearful goodbyes to everyone; I refused to let Caspian out of my grasp for fear of losing him. He patiently waited until my hysterics subsided, stroking my hair and holding me tightly. He took my hands in his and told me that he would be victorious, that he could feel it in his bones.

Saying goodbye to Susan was harder for me. I could barely hold my emotions together when we embraced one another.

"No matter what happens with Ed or Pete," she whispered, "no matter who you choose, Lucy and I will always love you like a sister."

I hugged her closer to me and then made my way to Peter. He hugged me fiercely, kissing me and telling me to be brave and that he loved me. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Edmund, who looked like death itself. He stood in the back of the room and no one noticed him as they left, leaving us alone together for the first time in a long time. He emerged from the shadows and we stared at each other, waiting to see who would make the first movement. I couldn't bear the silence anymore.

"Edmund, I-" He held up his hand to stop me from saying any more. Then he walked over to me, took my hand in his and he bowed and kissed it. His lips lingered on my skin as if he could somehow leave a mark there. I watched him as he straightened, giving me a broken smile and walked out of the room without looking back. That was our goodbye. I stood frozen in place, my hand still extended in front of me as if reaching out for him. He was gone. I couldn't cry. I had no tears left to cry. My whole body turned to ice. I watched as he disappeared behind the doors. That could be the last time I ever saw him. Ever.

Lucy and I waited for the battle to start, our tense nerves nearly sending us over the brink. The scene was visible from the balcony in my chamber, and both sides made no move to strike. Then, on the third day, a horn sounded to signal that the battle would start. Lucy and I ran to the balcony, watching as everyone we loved risked their lives. Each side moved closer and closer until they finally collided. The battle had begun.

Our soldiers may be few in number, but they were more skilled and knew the terrain better than most of these foreigners. I prayed to the Gods to keep them all safe. The battle went on for hours but I never left my place. I was rooted to that spot on the balcony. Lucy would watch intently and then gaze at me once in a while. I looked down at her with sympathy; the poor child had seen nothing but war in her entire life. I took her hand in mine as we stood together, watching as hundreds of men fought to keep Caspian king.

Suddenly, I had a piercing headache and I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palm against my temple. My mind projected a blinding flash of white light, and I saw the battle before me. I was in the midst of all the fighting when I saw Caspian strike a soldier and Susan turned in my direction and called out a warning. Peter and Edmund turned around to look at me too, with fearful expressions marring their handsome faces. I saw a royal Narnian sword fall to the ground. Edmund's sword. The white light flashed again and I opened my eyes while breathing heavily, slowly backing away from railing. Lucy looked at me with concern.

"Asha, what's wrong?" I looked at her in silence, and she stood shocked at the look of fear that I knew marred my face. I didn't have time to answer her. The Gods had granted me a vision and I had to go and stop it from coming true.

Edmund was going to die.

I couldn't waste time; I had to get to Edmund before I lost him. I ran to the stables to find a horse, any horse that was saddled already. I knew Caspian had given orders to keep the gates protected closely and, knowing my nature, also gave the guards orders to keep me from leaving the palace. When the guards at the gates saw me approaching on horseback, they immediately began closing the gates. It was close, but I managed to slip past them.

I rode out into the battle like a mad thing, calling Edmund's name and searching everywhere for him. I rode this way and that until I finally spotted him.

I saw Caspian strike a soldier.

Susan turned to look at me. "Watch out!" she shouted.

Peter and Edmund heard her cry and turned to look at me too. I kept my eyes on Edmund. I _would not_ let him out of my sight.

Edmund's face turned from shock to fear as I saw someone aiming an arrow at me. I reared my horse to get out of the way, but when the soldier released, the arrow hit my horse and it fell backwards, crushing me to the ground. I could feel the air leaving my lungs as I saw Edmund kill a soldier and drop his sword as he ran to me…

_A royal Narnian sword fell to the ground._

He pushed the broken horse's body off of me. Even though the weight was gone, I was struggling to breath, my heart beating heavily. My apparition was wrong. It wasn't Edmund who was going to die; it was me.

"Oh, please! Please don't take her from me!" He rocked me back and forth. I could smell the blood and sweat on him and I stared at him.

"Edmund," I whispered. "Edmund…"

"Yes? Yes, Asha. I'm here. Don't worry."

"I…love you."

"Shh. Save your strength. Whatever you have to say, you can say when you're better."

"No, Edmund. I had a vision. Dying…" His eyes widened. "I love you. Never wanted to…hurt you." I took another struggling breath and continued. "My father…the shame in his eyes…I saw his eyes. Didn't want to disobey…Caspian knew. _She_ told him. I…I don't care anymore. I love you. Always will." I grimaced in pain and turned my head away. I saw Peter watching us, frozen. Even with my vision blurring, I could see the pain on his face. "Tell Peter…I'm sorry." I said as I looked at Edmund again. I reached my hand up and he grabbed it, pressing it against his tear-streaked face. Darkness was coming. I was at the end.

"No! No, you won't die, Asha! Stay with me!" His sobs wracked his body as he held me tighter, his hands stroking my face and my hair in desperation. I closed my eyes despite his protest; and finally, I felt peace fill my soul.

"I...I love you, Edmund."


	11. Chapter Ten

I was enveloped by a warmth I've never felt before. I saw white everywhere and faces surrounded me. Among them was a face I knew well.

"Papa? Is it really you?"

"Yes, my princess."

"Am I in heaven? With you?"

"Yes, you are."

"Oh Papa, I'm so sorry. I never meant to bring shame to our family."

"There is nothing shameful about being in love. I know what is in your heart and I am proud that you stood up for what you believe in."

"Will things be better? Will Peter ever forgive me?"

"You will find that out for yourself. Come... let me hold you, my darling daughter." I tearfully ran into his embrace. "Never has a father loved his child more." He swayed me softly and sang to me, like he used to do before he passed.

A white light.

I heard voices. One of them was a girl, soft and soothing.

"Asha? Asha, can you hear me?" said the voice of an angel.

"Asha, please open your eyes. Please!" A man's voice pierced my mind. It sounded extremely distressed.

"Nothing is happening. Why isn't anything happening?" I heard another man's voice.

"I should have had her tied to a chair! I knew she was going to come and fight! It's my fault for not making sure she was safe!" Another man's voice rose angrily.

"Look!" A woman's voice silenced the others. "She's breathing! Asha, come back! Wake up!" The light disappeared and five figures came into my blurry vision. They were all towered over me.

"Asha! It's me, Susan!"

"Su…Susan?" I whispered. "Are you dead too?"

"No!" she exclaimed happily. "I'm not dead, and neither are you. You're alive!"

"I'm…alive?" I blinked my eyes in disbelief. I tried to sit up but felt weak. "How is this possible?" Susan motioned to Lucy, who held a small bottle of red liquid in her hands. It was her cordial. I gave a weak smile and lay back against my pillow. I was tired, all I wanted to do was sleep. I turned my head and saw someone holding my hand tightly.

"Edmund." I whispered softly, and I drifted into slumber.

I learned that we had won the battle. Susan told me as I drifted in and out of slumber, for I was still too weak to move. One day, when I woke, the sun was shining high in the sky. I sat up with whatever strength I had. I was about to get out of bed when I heard voices on the other side of my door. I instantly recognized Edmunds voice.

"I love her."

"I do too. That's why _I'm_ marrying her!" I heard Peter shout back at him.

"Do you think I don't want to be with her? She's all I ever wanted and I won't lose her, not even to my brother."

"Have you no sense of respect, Edmund? Of honour? How long has this been going on?"

"I loved her from the moment I saw her. Clichéd, I know, but it's true."

"I mean, how long have you two been seeing each other?"

Edmund hesitated. "About a week or so after you became engaged. Don't blame her for anything. She tried to be faithful to you; she wanted to be faithful to you. But, strange things happen to people when they're in love."

"I wouldn't know about those things." Peter mumbled.

"Then you don't really love her." I tucked my knees under my chin and hugged my legs to my body. Edmund was unusually calm. _Too calm_, I thought.

"But your own brother, Ed? How can you do this to me?"

"Peter, I told you. You can't stop me from loving her. I do, and that's that."

"Do you know how I feel right now? I've just learned that the woman I love has been going behind my back and sneaking around with you! I could kill you for this!"

"And how do you think _I_ felt?" Edmund seemed unable to contain himself any longer and raised his voice furiously. "I had to watch her everyday with _you_, planning _your_ wedding, being by _your_ side at every minute. Meanwhile I was wishing and praying that I would wake up from this nightmare and it would be _me_ there instead of you!"

"Why didn't you speak up before we became engaged? It's your own fault for not telling her sooner."

"I know. I told her the night of your engagement, _before_ it was announced. You know, she told me the exact same thing you did," he chuckled and I felt a pang of guilt. I got up from my bed and walked to the door, pressing my ear against to cold wood. "She called me a coward. I was, you know. I was so afraid to tell her that I loved her because I know I'm not good enough for her. But I also know that my love _is_." He spoke as if he was reliving a memory, his voice sounded so far away. Then, as if snapping back to reality, his voice turned cold and deadly. "I've lost her three times already Peter, and there is no way that I'm going to lose her again. Ever." The door creaked as I leaned against it and there was silence. I was sure one of them was going to open the door so I ran back to my bed and braced myself. Nothing happened. After a long while, Peter spoke up.

"Maybe we should leave it up to her. But I'm not going to lose her either, and I will not be the laughing-stock of the kingdom. You will stay away from her until she decides between us, or so help me I will marry her the very next day."

"Fine." Edmund spat, and I heard each of their footsteps lead away from my room.

About an hour went by and I heard someone approaching. I pretended to be asleep and peered from under my eyelashes and saw Peter slink into a chair at my bedside. He stared at me for a long time and then put his head in his hands. I gathered my courage. I was the one who needed to fix things, and it was better if I started now.

"Peter?" I whispered. He jerked his head up and looked at me.

"Asha? What is it Asha?" He was talking to me as if I were still in a daze. "What do you want to say?"

"Peter, I'm alright. I'm not so weak anymore." There was a long silence. He was the first to speak.

"Did you even love me?"

"Yes. Very much."

"Then why…"

"Peter, before you start to speak I would just like to tell you something that I was told a long time ago. Out in the world, there is one person out there for everyone. I'm not that person for you."

"How do you know? What if you are the right one for me?"

"Peter, if we were truly the right ones for each other, none of this would have happened and we would have been married by now. I did love you, I _do_ love you; but I believe that Edmund is my soul mate. I've know that since the moment he spoke to me."

"If you love him so much, why did you agree to marry me, then?"

"He told me how he felt on the night our engagement was announced. I was never sure of his feelings towards me before then, and when I found out that you intended to marry me, I thought I could grow to love you and forget about Edmund. But seeing his face everyday made life a living hell for me because I was so close and yet so far."

"I understand that. But I can't understand why you deceived me. You made me believe that you loved me while all the while you were with Edmund."

"I have no answer for that. I betrayed you, and I'm ashamed of my actions. I brought shame to myself and to all who care for me, especially Caspian and my family. All I can tell you is that I'm sorry, Peter." He looked away from me and said nothing. I couldn't bear the silence. I expected him to explode and shout at me, but every second that went by heightened the tension in the room.

"Peter? Peter please say something."

"I…I don't know what to say right now."

"I understand if you can never forgive me for what I have done. I just hope you know that the time I shared with you will be a cherished moment in my life and you will always hold a place in my heart." He looked at me for a long time and a hint of a smile appeared on his face. He got up, took my hand in his and kissed it. With one final look, he walked out the door.


	12. Chapter Eleven

After I regained my strength, I was walking in the gardens alone, trying to organize my thoughts. The birds flew from the trees and, as if they knew I was watching, performed their mating dance. I smiled as I kept walking and spotted a flower that seemed to beg me to touch it. I plucked it from the earth and sat on a stone bench stroking each petal softly. Suddenly, a large shadow appeared and I thought it might be an opposing soldier who escaped and was hiding in the castle. Still watching the figure, I slowly reached for the dagger that I kept attached to my ankle as it came closer and closer to me. When it turned the corner, I jumped up and was ready to attack when a deep voice spoke to me,

"There is no need for that, my dear. I do not mean you harm." My eyes widened as I realized what the figure revealed itself to be.

"Aslan?"

"Ah, so you _do_ know who I am. That dagger will be of no use now." I threw him an apologetic look and put the dagger back into its place. I sat back down as the great lion moved to stand in front of me.

"Forgive me, please. I never expected to see you. I never even imagined that you existed."

"There is no need to apologize. Lucy was asking for me, and I heeded her call to help you. And I have come to understand that you have been asking a lot of people for forgiveness." I simply nodded my head. If Aslan was as anything I have heard, he knew the whole story already.

"What do I do?"

"I'm afraid that all you can do is wait, my dear. And if you have faith, everything will turn out just as you want it."

"Everyone keeps telling me that. What if nothing gets solved, and Edmund and I can never be together?"

"If you feel that your love can come over anything, it will," he said reassuringly.

"Not even death has stopped me from loving him." Aslan smiled as we heard footsteps and saw Caspian looking as if he were in a hurry.

"Asha! I've been looking everywhere for you. Peter asked if he could see you in the main hall."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, everything is fine. Now hurry, you know how impatient he gets." I put my hand on Aslan's mane tenderly and thanked him. As I got up, Aslan called out to Caspian,

"Caspian, I think she can make it there by herself. I need to speak with you for a moment." Caspian obediently remained in the garden while I ran into the castle and stood in front of the doors to the hall, trying to compose myself. The servants opened them and I walked in as regally as I could, and saw Peter standing beside Caspian's throne. He turned when he heard my footsteps and came down the steps to greet me.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better," I lied. "Is there something wrong, Peter?" He offered me his arm and I took it as we walked down the halls of the castle.

"No. Asha, I've been thinking, especially since I spoke to you last. I was very angry. I couldn't believe that anyone could ever hurt me like this. I didn't know what to do; if I should marry you and force you to love me or if I should let you go and have my heart broken. But then someone told me something, a story about two gods and one goddess and how even though the goddess was pledged to one god, she never stopped loving the other. And I realized that even if we did get married, it would be no use because I know that we both want partners that can give us as much love as we have for them. Are you following me?"

"I…I'm not sure." We stopped in front of the doors to the ballroom and I gazed at the tall golden doors.

"I need a wife who loves me as much as I love her. And you need a husband you loves you as much as you deserve to be loved."

"Peter, I…" Servants opened the doors to the ballroom and Peter escorted me in. It was empty except for us and one other person.

"Edmund?" I whispered. He turned as he heard me say his name, and he was just as shocked to see me there as I him. My breathing became heavy and my mouth went dry. Why was he here? We gazed at each other for a long time until Peter took my hand and bent his head to whisper in my ear.

"Go." I looked at him, confused at what he meant. He smiled as he stretched out his other hand in Edmund's direction. I looked from one brother to the other and felt my feet begin to move forward slowly. Edmund also began walking towards me and as if I couldn't get to him fast enough, I broke into a run. I ran as fast as I could until I reached Edmund and threw my arms around him as if he would be snatched away from me. He held me fiercely and when I looked at his face, his beautiful brown eyes were spilling over with tears that he bravely refused to wipe away. He pushed my hair back and I kissed him with every ounce of love for him that I possessed. Things were finally at peace in my life. My heart was finally full.

With Caspian's blessing, Edmund and I decided to get married as soon as possible so we could never have the threat of something coming between us. At the wedding, Peter looked dejected at times; at least until I introduced him to one of my very close friends. The spark that immediately flew between them led to their own wedding a few months later. Lucy was ecstatic at gaining two new sisters, and eagerly asked Caspian and Susan when they would be married. He ruffled her hair and told her not yet because 'too many weddings are happening'. Everyone was finally happy. But no one was happier than I was.

One autumn night, a banquet was held by Caspian in honour of the harvest god. I felt weary all day (all week, as a matter of fact), but tried my best to attend, for Caspian had invited all of his subjects. But by the time the main course was brought out, I couldn't stay any longer and asked Edmund to take me back to our room. When we finally arrived, I felt a nauseous feeling well up in my stomach.

"Asha? Are you feeling all right?"

"Obviously not!" I snapped, shocking myself at my tone. I was never this short-tempered with Edmund before. He shrank away from me slightly at my outburst but returned to my side and helped me onto our bed.

"You don't need to take your frustrations out on me. I'm only trying to help," he said accusingly. I guiltily placed my hand on top of his and sighed.

"I know and I'm sorry; but I don't know what's going on with me. This is the third time this week that I've felt like this."

"I'm getting the doctor. Wait here."

"Where else can I go?"

About 10 minutes later, he returned with the physician who told Edmund to wait outside, to which he reluctantly obeyed. After much poking and prodding and questions (so many questions!), he explained the diagnosis.

"Would you like me to tell your husband the news?"

"No. No...I think it would be best if he heard it from me." I lay immobile as he left and an anxious Edmund entered the room and rushed to my side.

"Asha, what did the doctor say? Is everything alright? Is there something the matter?" He grasped my hand tightly. I couldn't stop myself as tears began to fall down my face and he gasped in fear. I sat up to look at him, but he was confused at the laughter that soon erupted from inside of me.

"Edmund, everything is perfectly fine," I said, wiping my tears away. "Except for one little thing." I grabbed his hand and moved it to my stomach. His eyes widened and he looked stunned.

"Asha, are…are you…?"

"About a month along now. The doctor was surprised that I was showing symptoms so soon." I smiled up at him and he kissed my hand and my lips before rushing out of my room and leaving the door open. I walked to the door and heard as the crowd quieted down so Edmund could speak from the balcony overlooking the ballroom. He didn't know what to say at first, he stuttered and laughed nervously. Then he caught sight of me and I smiled at him, and he suddenly beamed with pride as he said loudly,

"We're having a baby!" The cheers from the people nearly shook the castle and they cheered louder as I joined him and our family came running up the steps to congratulate us. I was embraced so much that I thought I might collapse!

Edmund and I stayed up for nearly the entire night, making plans and deciding what to name the baby. _Our_ baby. When sleep came over him, I gazed at his face and thought lovingly of the child that we had created with our love for one another. Nothing could ever ruin our happiness.

But all good things must come to an end.


	13. Chapter Twelve

About a month had passed and I could feel the being inside me growing with each passing day, and I was constantly being told how I seemed to glow from inside.

"You would too if you were carrying the child of the man that you loved," I would tell them. Everyone nodded approvingly, seeing how Edmund and I truly were like two parts of a soul that miraculously found one another.

Susan and Lucy were excited to become aunts and were continuously giving me gifts. They played all sorts of games that their mother taught them to determine whether the child was going to be a boy or a girl, but ended up with different results every time and eventually gave up. Peter and Malinda (his lovely, bright-eyed and pale-haired wife) were trying for a baby as well, and they felt confident that it would soon happen. Caspian already gave the unborn child land to rule over when he or she became of age and my Edmund radiated with the pleasure of becoming a new father and was always attentive to me (but at times, I must admit, he did become a little overbearing).

One night, as I was about to drift into sleep, he lay down on the bed and woke me. Aslan had summoned the Pevensies and had spoken with them until the late hours of the night. When I opened my eyes, Edmund had looked like he had been crying. I instantly became worried.

"Edmund, what happened?"

"Asha, I love you," he said quickly. "I always will, remember that."

"Edmund, what is going on? Why are you talking like this?"

"We're leaving." I sat up in the bed and looked down at him, confused.

"Where are we going?"

"No, we're leaving this world, and you…you aren't coming with us." I still wasn't sure what he meant and I looked away from him.

"Who are 'we'?"

"Peter, Lucy, Susan and me. Lucy and I may return, but Susan and Peter won't. I don't know when I might come back. Many years might pass in this world and you might not…" he stopped talking, as if he couldn't bring himself to say the final words.

"I might not be alive anymore." I looked down onto the white sheets and tears began welling up in my eyes. He sat up beside me and held me, and I could feel his tears against my cheek as he kissed me.

"When are you leaving?" I asked him, still in shock at the news.

"Tomorrow. By Aslan, I…I can't leave you!" He put his head in my lap and wept, and I stroked his hair like one would with a child.

"Hush, Edmund. Be strong, for the three of us. We will not be parted for long…I can feel it. But if I die and you do not come back, know that you have made me happier than I have ever been in my entire life." My tears dropped into the midnight blackness of his hair. He sat up suddenly and took my face in his hands and spoke with passion in his voice.

"Asha, death has separated us once and not even that has stopped us from being together. Even if I have to wait until I see you after this life, I will never stop loving you. Nothing will ever take me away from you; I will always be with you, even in spirit. I will never, _ever_ forget you." He placed his hand on the growing bulge that carried the proof of our love. "Take care of our baby."

"He or she will know their father, even if it is only through my memories." I brought my lips to his gently and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Our lovemaking that night was slow and measured, as if trying to commit to memory the softness of each other's skin or the pleasure that coursed through our joined bodies that we knew could not be achieved by any other. I clung to him, refusing to let him go and thinking that if he was close enough, we would mould together and we could never be parted.

We held one another as dawn crept through our window, unanimously accepting that Edmund had to leave. We gazed at each other in silence; the only sounds heard were our heartbeats and the soft wind that carried the impending heartbreak that we had to endure. But we knew our love would always be as strong as it was now.

And if it could last through death, it could withstand the length of time.


	14. Epilogue

- EPILOGUE-

The air was heavy with the smell of the ocean and I embraced in it, filling my lungs with the calming scent. I turned to the nearest sailor and asked him if we were close to our destination.

"You should see it any minute now, my lady."

I wrung my hands in anxious frustration, pacing as far as the small deck would allow. A deck hand jokingly remarked that I would wear a hole in the floor and fall right through. I was too nervous to laugh with him.

Three years. It's been nearly three years since I've last seen him; my soul, my love. Taken cruelly from me at the height of our happiness and nearly losing all hope of ever seeing him again…until two days ago. A small hand reached for mine as I stood staring out into nothing. It startled me at first, but then I smiled. I looked into the large eyes of a small face, brushing her thick, dark curls out of her face to see the light freckles that adorned her cheeks and her small pink mouth in a slight pout.

"Are you all right, mummy?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you so pale?" Her voice was full of concern, with all the seriousness of her father in it.

"I'm nervous, my darling."

"About seeing father again?"

"Yes," I replied, again gazing out into nothingness, my thoughts far away. "I'm wondering if maybe he doesn't remember…"

"He will. Father would _never_ forget about us," she said determinedly. I chuckled in spite of my mood; how strange that she had such a belief in something that she has never truly known, except in stories and my memories.

"I hope you're right, Rhea." I whispered.

A bell rang loudly in my mind and I felt my heart hammering in my chest. We made it! Men dashed about and I felt completely useless as they prepared for us to dock the other ship.

"Mummy! I see Uncle Caspian's boat!" A boy, the same age as Rhea, ran up to me and clasped my other hand.

"Yes, Galen. I see it too."

"We'll see father soon," he said. I inhaled deeply. _Yes, you will see your father soon_. I stroked his fine dark hair that was tousled by the wind.

"I hope he likes us," Rhea said, worriedly.

"He will. So will Aunt Lucy," Galen proclaimed. "Right, mummy?"

"Yes. Yes he will love you. He already does."

"How does he love us if he's never met us?"

"Galen, you're silly. Remember mummy said he talked about us all the time before he left?"

"He still hasn't seen us. Maybe he'll like me better than you, Rhea!" Their bickering was cut short by a sailor's booming voice.

"My Lady, are you ready?" My children squeezed my hands tightly, their little grasps giving me strength.

"I've been ready for three years," I said as I took the sailor's hand and stepped up on the plank, making my way onto the Dawn Treader.

Making my way to Edmund.


End file.
